There is this girl I like a lot these days. Her name is Marissa. It is going well. We both like each other quite a bit and she doesn't even own a comb.(Hi Marissa. Hi Marissa's mom, Kristan Paolacci)
Whenever I like someone romantically I am reminded of how I am as unromantic as I could imagine. I can't help but not see romantic feelings as nothing special, or nothing magical. Rather just a product of our evolution compelling us as members of a species to keep the species going. That if we didn't have this urge within us we wouldn't see the other person in nearly as special of a way as we do when made drunk by the oxytocin flowing through our blood making us feel connected and bonded in unique ways, urging us to couple and reproduce.
I also can't help but see love as something selfish. Particularly romantic love. Here is another person, another universe to themselves, and because you find them interesting and enjoy their company you want them to give you all their attention. Not just that but you want them to give only you lots of attention. We feel hurt and angry if they do not give us enough or not in the right ways, or give too much of their attention to someone else. The language we use in reference to those we are coupled with. They are mine. That is my girlfriend, etc. expresses the way we approach relationships. But this person is not ours and never will be be, they are an entire universe. We just happened to have been around them around, and enjoy their company enough(which itself is very often the luck of having been raised in the same culture, speaking a shared language with a similar genetic heritage) plus be physically attracted to them the time, and this happening during the time of our life when we were choosing a mate to couple with for the rest of our lives. We might this other universe to commit to us that they will share our bed every night and if they end up becoming too connected with another person we can't share a bed anymore.
And as much time as we spend with them, and as much as we think they owe us, we will never really understand them. Because our internal lives are subtle, complicated, we will always have the entire universe revolve around each of us and they will always have the entire universe revolve around them, and as much as we struggle to convey what it feels like to be us, the ability to actually share an experience with another person is impossible.
We like to think that this other web of neurons and atoms, out of all the billions of others very, is somehow the only one we could or should be with. That maybe what is shared between us is something special or magical.
And even though I can't help but feel these things I also get caught up in the romantic feelings as well. Although my mind my see it all as strange I still have a body which feels all the same things as everyone else.
I also think the love of a parent for a child is delusional. Here is a child, not much different from all other children on earth, but because they carry our genes we have been instilled by evolution to value their survival almost infinitely more those of other children.
Because I say I believe it is a delusion does not mean I do not believe it to be a good thing. I do. It is very important to our survival as a species as well as for people to grow up psychology healthy to have loving parents.
And while I think it is, perhaps based on a biological ingrained delusion, I also do not think monogamy is a bad thing. I am all for it, and think that movements which/do tried/try to break down that barrier were/are doomed to failure. The biology of it is too deep. I think it could be done better. People shouldn't be so needy. To quote borrow a quote from Thoreau: 'If my world is not sufficient without thee, my friend, I will wait till it is and then call thee. You shall come to a palace, not to an almshouse.' But it is how our species evolved and so we should accept it, make the best of it.
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