Just a warning. This entry basically says nothing and is not likely worth the time or effort required to read. Nor has it been proof read so the sentences probably don't even make sense. I have now been up for 41 hours and am feeling just like a really great guy. A really great guy who wants to go out, buy houses for cheap, then sell them for more, then teach people how to do the same by writing books promising people the mirage of fulfillment that is money. Cause what they really want to be fulfilled is just presents. you know, cut out the middle man. Or cut up the middle man and stuff him in a garbage can, or sell his parts to be dried and sold at pet stores as dog chew items. Middle man liver, 15$. If you love your dog, by that little woman dog a dried middle man stomach skin cape, with boots made from the dried hands and feet of middle men of all races and heights. But seriously, if you have made it this far, it only gets worse. here is a link to check out instead. It is isaac's new blog he just started. it is really good. it is mostly about music, you know, what bands are cool and why, that sort of stuff that the internet is always needing more of. But not really. it is about music, in a way you may not even realize it is about music. but we often build ideas bouncing off each other so i feel is blog is a good compliment to mine here it is ) okay, click that, serioiusly, if you read further you will be filled with so much regret you can only recover by having your memory erased ala' eternal sunshine of the spotless mind except there is a new drug, still being tested for safety, but that is already shown to erase specific memories. think about, typically by talking about a memory, then take the drug, and the memory is then much much lighter. And has less emotional weight. Then do it again and again until you have, each time, accidently allowed your mind to slip onto another topic, but this ends up happening so many times your memory becomes like swiss cheese, where each hole, to those inside is observably infinite, yet to those viewing from outside, it is observably finite. these are such weird jokes, i am combining so many different totally unrelated ideas that sometimes use similar metaphors items, though in totally different ways, explaining totally different phenomenon. goodnight.

The room I have been sleeping while staying with my parents this summer is in the basement directly below my parents bathroom. A few minutes ago my attempts at rest became interrupted when I realized that the pipe which is directly above my head began, at very long intervals, to drip water on my forehead. I slept not at all the night before and am still fairly exhausted. So exhausted I am not even going to move. When I wake in the morning I will have a new hole directly in center of my forehead. The hole will be perfectly sized to snugly hold quarters. And because I tend to sleep on my sides as well as my back throughout the night I will have a hole on either side of my head as well, also perfectly sized to snugly hold a quarter.
"oh, hi bill gates. What's that? You forgot change for parking? Yes, that is ironic huh? The used to be richest man in the world can't afford a simple parking meter....Oh yes, I see what you mean, it isn't that you can't afford it, you just don't happen to have the right type of money this machine requires on your person. Well, you are in luck. Just reach into this abscess on the right side of my head. Yes, right there. Yes, just reach right in. Yeah, a thin layer of skin has grown over that one but it is just a thin layer. Right, like a blister, you can just push right through it. Sure it hurts a little, but the joy I am about to see on your face will more than compensate.
There, you got through the skin? Now just fish your fingers around in there until you feel something. Yes, you feel that? It's hard like metal right? Okay, good, now pull it out. You might have to yank a bit because some scar tissue has begun to form around it.
You see what that is? Yes, quarters! Yeah, the coagulated blood and pus does make it a little difficult to tell huh. But they are still just as good as any quarter from any part of any other persons body, or a bank or whatever.
Yes, it was fortunate of you to meet me huh?
Oh, and what else is that you are saying Bill Gates? For helping you out when you were in a tight spot you would like to help me out by giving me a Billion Dollars?
Well, I appreciate your desire to pay it forward, but I am a man of integrity and my charitable acts cannot be sold like a bunch of food at the grocery store or convenience store.
That is right, I do not do this because I hope for some type of reward. This is my life calling, and fulfilling that is reward enough. I am a man who follows his heart no matter where it leads him, and my heart has screamed to me at the top of it's proverbial lungs, Christopher! Carry spare change within three small holes created in your skull by a pipe which drips water directly onto your head while sleeping.

I guess this is the sort of thing that comes out of me when I haven't slept in 40 and one half hours, even though i so desperately wanted to nap this afternoon I was only able to achieve this weird but interesting hypnotic state, where my eyes were closed and I was dreaming, but not sleeping. Though not fully conscious. I was almost always aware of who and where I was, but occasionally I slipped into believing the dream reality was real reality. Kind of like early in the morning when you are having a hard time waking up, then you dream that you do wake up and get up and get dressed, but then wake up again for real, and are bummed to see you are still in bed. Kind of like that, except it didn't feel as if I was actually asleep in those moments when I was fully immersed in my imagination. I also was never bummed when I realized I was still in bed. What I was bummed about was that I was still awake. Though, I found what was happening to me fascinating. It has happened to me several times before, and always when severely sleep deprived and I close my eyes. But never has it lasted as long as this afternoon without ever giving way to actual sleep.
So this is what comes out of me when I finally felt myself drifting to the unconscious state I so deeply craved, only to realize water is dripping directly on my face.
I wonder how I will feel about what I wrote here tomorrow. I imagine it won't be entirely unlike what I might feel in the morning when realized that during the night before I had woken up and in my sleepy confusion mistook chair for a toilet releasing Montezuma's Revenge where it had no exit. (I just checked my computer Thesaurus for diarrhea and found a term way funnier than I could have hoped. Do people really use that? It sounds vaguely familiar but has no scatological associations in my mind. Perhaps I can, in following my hearts commands dedicate my life to reigniting the acceptance and use of Montezuma's Revenge to the point of fully replacing the term diarrhea, eliminating from any dictionary in only two generations) God I feel weird. Not unpleasant but so weird. By god I wasn't pleading with deity but being profane. Having grown up never swearing, no swear words have become conditioned responses for me with the exception of the word god. oh my god. oh god. I guess i just like the ring of it. I probably shouldn't post this, but here I go anyway. I am sure the grammar is horrible and typos are rife. but thats me man. I just got to be me. I just got to keep it real and who I am is a person who doesn't feel like proof reading right now. Why can't the world just accept me as I am. This entry has been so full of jokes that in my current state seem so so so so so so funny. Today I recorded about 45 minutes of stand-up comedy with isaac. It was primarily just free association about things I thought were funny. I felt some gems were produced though. Like jamming for a musician. Noodling on the guitar produces mostly debris, but that is also often the source of the crème de la crème, the bees knees, pearl, jewel in the crown. (thesaraus suggestions for gem) goodnight. Why am I still writing this? i feel like i am now in that hypnotic trance state. I wonder if i am somehow technically in the state that is considered hypnotism. WOuld i be able to think a thought like this? to reflect on my level of conciousness? i dunno. but i know who else doesn't know. Almost who now lives or had ever lived. Me and those cool dudes and women, all making love to the earth that then turns into a woman which then turns into a bird and flies into the sky. that is based on an old joke based on a real thing i read.


carie said...

my brother and I said "montezuma's revenge" all the time while growing up. I thought it was the name of the disease you got when you drank the water in Tijuana. Like diarrhea that kills you.
There is also a Knott's Berry Farm ride name Montezuma's Revenge.

Fish Nat!on said...

i made it about 3/4 of the way and quit. my crotch is getting hot from my computer, mostly.

Isaac isak icekick said...

yes! this entry is gold. It reminds me a lot of your comedy we recorded. thanks for the props. keep it real.