I like the feeling I feel when it is late at night, and I am lying in bed, and thinking about everyone else laying in their beds. Everyone is so vulnerable right now. It reminds me how no one really has much of a clue what is going on. Even the most basic question of why is there something instead of nothing is impossible out of reach.
I like thinking about how everyone has bad things happen a lot and we all carry heavy burdens, but that it is okay because that is just how things are. None of us have anyone to impress even though sometimes we feel like it. We have millions of years of evolution that have given us certain proclivities. Some are great and help keep us alive, like getting thirsty when we are dehydrated, or empathy, or our sense of fairness. These are traits we share with primates. Many of our morals that we think are the products of our culture or were handed down from god are actually shared by our primate cousins and are deeply rooted in our biology. others not so great like feeling concern about approval by the group, or people trying to become the alpha male.
But when It is late at night like it is now I think of all these things and i feel a distance from it. I feel like I am seeing it all as if I am an outsider and so I don't feel how deeply emotional it all is. I am feeling so sleepy, my eyes are closing then opening. i don't know why i am still typing. I have a bunch of things I have been meaning to write but haven't gotten around to it.
8.13.2008
8.11.2008
Christians
Since modern Christianity has such a strange arbitrariness built into it, that only those who have heard of and then accepted Christ won't have to suffer for an eternity, it makes one wonder about the individuals who are modern Christians.
Wonder how they can feel comfortable accepting such a strange god with such an unjust plan. I imagine many just don't think about it, because to give it much thought and yet still believe seems like it must require certain amount denial or compartmentalizing. Put 'God is all powerful and loves everyone' in one compartment, then put 'his Plan of Salvation' in another, separate compartment. At least that is what I imagine, because I imagine myself in that situation and imagine how I would be able to deal with the seeming contradiction.
But then I read quotes like this from Anne Coulter which make me think otherwise:
'I defy any of my co-religionists to tell me they do not laugh at the idea of (Richard) Dawkins burning in hell.' (Coulter 2006:268)
Which makes me realize, maybe some of these people don't need to compartmentalize. Maybe they have some part in them that enjoys the thought of people who are otherwise moral, yet disagree with them on deep and complicated issues, to suffer FOREVER!. And that these people would refer to themselves as the MORAL majority.
Wonder how they can feel comfortable accepting such a strange god with such an unjust plan. I imagine many just don't think about it, because to give it much thought and yet still believe seems like it must require certain amount denial or compartmentalizing. Put 'God is all powerful and loves everyone' in one compartment, then put 'his Plan of Salvation' in another, separate compartment. At least that is what I imagine, because I imagine myself in that situation and imagine how I would be able to deal with the seeming contradiction.
But then I read quotes like this from Anne Coulter which make me think otherwise:
'I defy any of my co-religionists to tell me they do not laugh at the idea of (Richard) Dawkins burning in hell.' (Coulter 2006:268)
Which makes me realize, maybe some of these people don't need to compartmentalize. Maybe they have some part in them that enjoys the thought of people who are otherwise moral, yet disagree with them on deep and complicated issues, to suffer FOREVER!. And that these people would refer to themselves as the MORAL majority.
I shaved my beard yesterday.
even though i think my beard looks better shorter than longer, i wanted to try and grow it out very long. I may try again later this winter, but it isn't great for the summer to have a long beard. that and i was bored with it i shaved last night. here is a photo:
Myspace Glitter Graphics
Myspace Glitter Graphics
8.10.2008
celebrity.
I will be interested to see what sort of staying power the celebrity of movie and tv actors have. I will be surprised if it is much. In one hundred years will anyone remember people like Julia Roberts? When our parents die will people remember the names of Clark Gabel and Lucille Ball? I dunno. Maybe if their shows are being re-runned and their movies still watched. But maybe by then all movies will be in virtual reality 3D smellovision, and 2D drama will only be watched by the counter culture kids. On laser discs. While listening to music on those old cylinders...what were they made of? wax or something?
Not until recently has it been practical for actors to be celebrities in the way they are now. Or even for there to be celebrities the way we have them now. So the past is not a great guide to predict the future status of current celebrities.
But it is hard for me to imagine the future having any reason to remember our actors of today. For the most part, people only love them because they are attractive and well known. There will always be more people who are just as attractive and even more well known. It is not as if actor celebrities are doing anything that significantly alters our lives in a way that will deserve our future selves remembering admirably. The way scientists, artists or writers do.
It is interesting that what may be the most famous people of the present, are those most likely to fade away in the future. All those people who desperately want to feel as if they have value by getting the admiration of a legion of strangers would better serve their misplaced desires by doing something that has an actual effect on the quality of our lives and will be well thought of by infinitely more people growing exponentially into the future.
It is funny and strange actors are so admired and fawned over. They are so boring. Their lives aren't boring per se, because they are rich and do wacky things, but they as people are not particularly interesting. I can understand that when we know someone, even if only from a distance, we like to hear information and news about them, and actors are in a position to be easily known by many people, leading to many people having some interest in what happens to them. But aside from that, actors seem like some of the least newsworthy people of all. All they do is give voice and face to the genius of writers and directors.(of course some are better at this than others but generally the quality of one's acting isn't what creates super-stardom).
When I think of all the people I admire, I can't think of a single actor. Even the actors I really love, like Philip Seymore Hoffman, I am almost totally indifferent to him as a person. Nothing I have learned about him has caused me to think he is interesting or admirable (not that I think negatively about him, but he seems like nothing special, aside from his great acting). Even if there were an actor I happened to admire as a person, it would likely have very little to do with their role as an actor, but rather, other things unrelated to acting, like they are a smart or funny or exceptionally kind or gentle person. (speaking of funny, funny actors are a slight exception to what I am saying. Because I do admire some actors for their ability to be very funny while acting lines they did not write, like Norm Macdonald. I love that guy! And just being funny in general is something I admire. And of course, people like Larry David or Ricky Gervais are total exceptions because they help write the funny stuff they say, and help alter the landscape of comedy in general.)
Here is a photo of a laser disk, in honor of its being mentioned above:
Not until recently has it been practical for actors to be celebrities in the way they are now. Or even for there to be celebrities the way we have them now. So the past is not a great guide to predict the future status of current celebrities.
But it is hard for me to imagine the future having any reason to remember our actors of today. For the most part, people only love them because they are attractive and well known. There will always be more people who are just as attractive and even more well known. It is not as if actor celebrities are doing anything that significantly alters our lives in a way that will deserve our future selves remembering admirably. The way scientists, artists or writers do.
It is interesting that what may be the most famous people of the present, are those most likely to fade away in the future. All those people who desperately want to feel as if they have value by getting the admiration of a legion of strangers would better serve their misplaced desires by doing something that has an actual effect on the quality of our lives and will be well thought of by infinitely more people growing exponentially into the future.
It is funny and strange actors are so admired and fawned over. They are so boring. Their lives aren't boring per se, because they are rich and do wacky things, but they as people are not particularly interesting. I can understand that when we know someone, even if only from a distance, we like to hear information and news about them, and actors are in a position to be easily known by many people, leading to many people having some interest in what happens to them. But aside from that, actors seem like some of the least newsworthy people of all. All they do is give voice and face to the genius of writers and directors.(of course some are better at this than others but generally the quality of one's acting isn't what creates super-stardom).
When I think of all the people I admire, I can't think of a single actor. Even the actors I really love, like Philip Seymore Hoffman, I am almost totally indifferent to him as a person. Nothing I have learned about him has caused me to think he is interesting or admirable (not that I think negatively about him, but he seems like nothing special, aside from his great acting). Even if there were an actor I happened to admire as a person, it would likely have very little to do with their role as an actor, but rather, other things unrelated to acting, like they are a smart or funny or exceptionally kind or gentle person. (speaking of funny, funny actors are a slight exception to what I am saying. Because I do admire some actors for their ability to be very funny while acting lines they did not write, like Norm Macdonald. I love that guy! And just being funny in general is something I admire. And of course, people like Larry David or Ricky Gervais are total exceptions because they help write the funny stuff they say, and help alter the landscape of comedy in general.)
Here is a photo of a laser disk, in honor of its being mentioned above:
8.09.2008
Pen 15 club.
I have started a Pen 15 club. We just go around putting our pen15es on people's foreheads while they are sleeping or resting.
Lightning in slow motion.
This is an interesting video of lightning in slow motion. It looks considerably different than I would have imagined.
See more .
8.08.2008
.ritual. and killing the buddha.
I understand (I think) the purpose of religious ritual.
Because much of spirituality transcends our ability to comprehend or communicate it with our normal mind or tools of communication, we sometimes need to package it into something else, something more comprehensible. Like language. Many of our ideas are far more complicated than is communicated through the words we use, but it's okay, for the most part, because we realize the words are not the things, but just placeholder for the things, because the things are too subtle, too hard to actually say.
And so rituals become our language for spirituality. They aren't the thing, but if they are good, or we do them right, then they help us think about, communicate and experience the thing the ritual represents.
Though the problem is: we can mistake the ritual for the thing it is helping us approach. I think this is the danger with religion as an institution. It is always in risk of making the institution and it's rituals the thing, rather than a stepping stone to be transcended. So rather than being something to help liberate us, it becomes an anchor that limits and confines us to the rough parts of the world we are trying to rise above.
One thing I love about Buddhism (as it is practiced. Pretty much all religions have this in their source texts) is in its effort to help practitioners achieve liberation, it teaches you even need to transcend Buddhism. Transcend meditation, and ritual. In your effort to be liberated, even those things that are there to help us become liberated become attachments that confine us. (one of the only Zen koans that I understand, says: "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him." )
I think this is a trap many religions fall into. I think of Mormonism (because it is my heritage,) Believing in Mormonism can make you believe you need the Church. You need the institution and you need the rituals: Masonic handshakes, dunks in water and little bites of food, or that masturbating is in a category of sins second only to murder. So you have then become less liberated, and more attached. Of course, some members and leaders recognize the rituals and institution are not the thing, but a launch pad to the thing. However, I think this is the exception more than the rule.
This is not just a problem in Mormonism, it is a problem of a lot of Christianity, and Hinduism and Islam and Baha'ism, even though all of the source texts are about the opposite.
Virtually all major religions are started by men (I wish women) who are in a culture that has become so focused on ritual and lost sight of what the rituals are trying to explain. So these manic depressive guys come and say(if they are Jesus), Woe unto you.. hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and platter, but inside they are dirty, full of extortion and excess. And walk about breaking the sabbath, trying to show that the rituals and rules are not the point. They may point us to the point, but they are not the point.
Because much of spirituality transcends our ability to comprehend or communicate it with our normal mind or tools of communication, we sometimes need to package it into something else, something more comprehensible. Like language. Many of our ideas are far more complicated than is communicated through the words we use, but it's okay, for the most part, because we realize the words are not the things, but just placeholder for the things, because the things are too subtle, too hard to actually say.
And so rituals become our language for spirituality. They aren't the thing, but if they are good, or we do them right, then they help us think about, communicate and experience the thing the ritual represents.
Though the problem is: we can mistake the ritual for the thing it is helping us approach. I think this is the danger with religion as an institution. It is always in risk of making the institution and it's rituals the thing, rather than a stepping stone to be transcended. So rather than being something to help liberate us, it becomes an anchor that limits and confines us to the rough parts of the world we are trying to rise above.
One thing I love about Buddhism (as it is practiced. Pretty much all religions have this in their source texts) is in its effort to help practitioners achieve liberation, it teaches you even need to transcend Buddhism. Transcend meditation, and ritual. In your effort to be liberated, even those things that are there to help us become liberated become attachments that confine us. (one of the only Zen koans that I understand, says: "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him." )
I think this is a trap many religions fall into. I think of Mormonism (because it is my heritage,) Believing in Mormonism can make you believe you need the Church. You need the institution and you need the rituals: Masonic handshakes, dunks in water and little bites of food, or that masturbating is in a category of sins second only to murder. So you have then become less liberated, and more attached. Of course, some members and leaders recognize the rituals and institution are not the thing, but a launch pad to the thing. However, I think this is the exception more than the rule.
This is not just a problem in Mormonism, it is a problem of a lot of Christianity, and Hinduism and Islam and Baha'ism, even though all of the source texts are about the opposite.
Virtually all major religions are started by men (I wish women) who are in a culture that has become so focused on ritual and lost sight of what the rituals are trying to explain. So these manic depressive guys come and say(if they are Jesus), Woe unto you.. hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and platter, but inside they are dirty, full of extortion and excess. And walk about breaking the sabbath, trying to show that the rituals and rules are not the point. They may point us to the point, but they are not the point.
women and men.
It is amazing to me, how now that women are finally achieving a certain amount of liberation, they have surpassed men in many ways. More women then men are graduating from college. More women are getting phd's in biology than men.
I guess why it is amazing is that one of the the only reasons this has not been the case all along is that men are just a little bit stronger than women. That just a tiny amount of extra physical strength can cause a group to make another group think they are inferior for millennium, because they can physically restrain them from certain activities.
I know this is a huge over simplification of the issue, so if you want to reply.... its not necessary to mention that.
I guess why it is amazing is that one of the the only reasons this has not been the case all along is that men are just a little bit stronger than women. That just a tiny amount of extra physical strength can cause a group to make another group think they are inferior for millennium, because they can physically restrain them from certain activities.
I know this is a huge over simplification of the issue, so if you want to reply.... its not necessary to mention that.
I tend to only get a crush on a girl that lasts longer than talking to her once about every 1.5 years.
And it has happened again!
The timing of this crush could be seen as very unfortunate. Though in one sense fortunate.
I met her briefly. Just enough time to ask her name and tell her mine.
I found her attractive and interesting seeming so I asked around about her and learned she was leaving in two weeks for 4 months to be in kiev. I thought if I were to make any effort I should do it fast.
I found her on facebook that night and said something about us becoming friends.
I learned that while it was true she was leaving for kiev in two weeks it was also true she was leaving for Arizona, her hometown, the next day!
Even though she was leaving that day and still had to pack, she agreed to hang out with me. It was enjoyable.
When she gets back I will be in Washington.
It is easy to see how this timing could be thought of as unfortunate, wut why I say that in one sense the timing is fortunate, is she had recently been in Washington for the summer working a job. The window of time where she was again in Provo, but not yet in Arizona or Kiev was not large. It would have been very easy to not meet her at all. We have been communicating since and I still find her interesting and am learning things we have in common. But I am not getting my hopes up. Because I tend to be fickle in terms of girls. Hopefully this will be an exception. I feel like the sentences used in this entry were shorter than normal for me. Go figure. Go to hell. I joke, go to wherever is comfortable and take a nap.
And it has happened again!
The timing of this crush could be seen as very unfortunate. Though in one sense fortunate.
I met her briefly. Just enough time to ask her name and tell her mine.
I found her attractive and interesting seeming so I asked around about her and learned she was leaving in two weeks for 4 months to be in kiev. I thought if I were to make any effort I should do it fast.
I found her on facebook that night and said something about us becoming friends.
I learned that while it was true she was leaving for kiev in two weeks it was also true she was leaving for Arizona, her hometown, the next day!
Even though she was leaving that day and still had to pack, she agreed to hang out with me. It was enjoyable.
When she gets back I will be in Washington.
It is easy to see how this timing could be thought of as unfortunate, wut why I say that in one sense the timing is fortunate, is she had recently been in Washington for the summer working a job. The window of time where she was again in Provo, but not yet in Arizona or Kiev was not large. It would have been very easy to not meet her at all. We have been communicating since and I still find her interesting and am learning things we have in common. But I am not getting my hopes up. Because I tend to be fickle in terms of girls. Hopefully this will be an exception. I feel like the sentences used in this entry were shorter than normal for me. Go figure. Go to hell. I joke, go to wherever is comfortable and take a nap.
8.07.2008
ChaCha
Hurray! I just passed all the tests required to become a ChaCha guide! Supplementary income HELLO!!!!!!!!!
The tests were very easy. I am sure any college student/grad/dropout could pass them without any problem.
If you are not familiar with ChaCha, you can text any question to 242242(chacha) and you will receive a single text reply answered by a real person. So, your answers a likely to be far more relevant than what you may receive from Google or a similar automated text answering service.
Guides are paid per question answered. I think....20 cents per question? I learned about this job from karl. He said he averages about 6$/ hr. Not much. But I really need extra cash. Seriously, gas prices are killing me. I want to buy a motorcycle but was rejected for a loan for insufficient income. Hopefully my chacha $ will help me out.
The tests were very easy. I am sure any college student/grad/dropout could pass them without any problem.
If you are not familiar with ChaCha, you can text any question to 242242(chacha) and you will receive a single text reply answered by a real person. So, your answers a likely to be far more relevant than what you may receive from Google or a similar automated text answering service.
Guides are paid per question answered. I think....20 cents per question? I learned about this job from karl. He said he averages about 6$/ hr. Not much. But I really need extra cash. Seriously, gas prices are killing me. I want to buy a motorcycle but was rejected for a loan for insufficient income. Hopefully my chacha $ will help me out.
8.06.2008
a fairly interesting occurence.
Yesterday on the way to my studio I stopped by Juice and Java, Provo's only coffee shop (which is kind of crummy, and attracts a sometimes unpleasant crowd, but I noticed a new one is being built by Beto's which, also yesterday I noticed is not called Beto's anymore but something like Rancheritos. When I asked I learned everything is exactly the same except the name. Even the automated voice at the drive through still says 'Welcome to Beto's')
As I emerged from buying my drink, an iced coffee, two guys who didn't quite look homeless but seemed to be in a state where homelessness could easily result from a minor financial setback, were sitting in that grass strip which sometimes seperates sidewalks and roads and in Toronto I heard referred to as a 'boulevard', but have never heard it referred to by any name in the states, though a name may exist. If not we should coin one. Maybe we should call it the coin. Sometimes there might be confusion of whether a person using the word is referring to money or grass between sidewalks and roads, but I think most of the time it would be clear from the context.
One of the two almost homeless guys called me over and asked if i could spare some change. Since it was one of the rare times when I did have some spending cash on me I gave them a dollar and some change. Somehow, unsurprisingly because they both seemed a little tipsy, it came up that the man who had originally beckoned me was trained as a chef but hasn't been able to find any chef work so now works as a day laborer with his friend who was sitting with him on the coin
The trained chef began to rant about how he can't find a chef job because of the mexican immigrants who are willing to work for half the money he is. His friend interjected, 'That and you sometimes put people in the deep fryer.'
I responded with something like 'Whoa! what! Like sometimes you throw hot oil on people?'
Him: No, I actually put someone in a deep fryer.
Me: What do you mean? How did that happen?
Him: Well, we got into a fight and so I grabbed his face and shoved it into the deep fryer.
Me: Whoa! WOW! His FACE!? What happened!?
Him: Well, there were enough people around pulling me off him it wasn't as bad as it could have been.
I then jokingly asked for my money back, and he, not realizing I was joking began to hand it back. I told him I was only joking and he replied that I was still welcome to take it back if I wanted, which I did not want.
Then a friend of his walked up and began speaking to me in what I guess was Arabic. He assumed I was a Muslim because I was wearing my Morrocan thobe. I told him I was a Baha'i, and that while we believed in Muhammed we were distinct from Muslims. He claimed to know this yet his questions and comments seemed to show otherwise.
Here is a picture of me in my thobe, which you can also see to the right, much smaller, as my new profile photo. I recently learned Klimt wore a similar robe for the later part of his life, and seeing pictures of him has reignited my love of the thobe:
As I emerged from buying my drink, an iced coffee, two guys who didn't quite look homeless but seemed to be in a state where homelessness could easily result from a minor financial setback, were sitting in that grass strip which sometimes seperates sidewalks and roads and in Toronto I heard referred to as a 'boulevard', but have never heard it referred to by any name in the states, though a name may exist. If not we should coin one. Maybe we should call it the coin. Sometimes there might be confusion of whether a person using the word is referring to money or grass between sidewalks and roads, but I think most of the time it would be clear from the context.
One of the two almost homeless guys called me over and asked if i could spare some change. Since it was one of the rare times when I did have some spending cash on me I gave them a dollar and some change. Somehow, unsurprisingly because they both seemed a little tipsy, it came up that the man who had originally beckoned me was trained as a chef but hasn't been able to find any chef work so now works as a day laborer with his friend who was sitting with him on the coin
The trained chef began to rant about how he can't find a chef job because of the mexican immigrants who are willing to work for half the money he is. His friend interjected, 'That and you sometimes put people in the deep fryer.'
I responded with something like 'Whoa! what! Like sometimes you throw hot oil on people?'
Him: No, I actually put someone in a deep fryer.
Me: What do you mean? How did that happen?
Him: Well, we got into a fight and so I grabbed his face and shoved it into the deep fryer.
Me: Whoa! WOW! His FACE!? What happened!?
Him: Well, there were enough people around pulling me off him it wasn't as bad as it could have been.
I then jokingly asked for my money back, and he, not realizing I was joking began to hand it back. I told him I was only joking and he replied that I was still welcome to take it back if I wanted, which I did not want.
Then a friend of his walked up and began speaking to me in what I guess was Arabic. He assumed I was a Muslim because I was wearing my Morrocan thobe. I told him I was a Baha'i, and that while we believed in Muhammed we were distinct from Muslims. He claimed to know this yet his questions and comments seemed to show otherwise.
Here is a picture of me in my thobe, which you can also see to the right, much smaller, as my new profile photo. I recently learned Klimt wore a similar robe for the later part of his life, and seeing pictures of him has reignited my love of the thobe:
8.05.2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Subscribe To
Posts
All Comments