Cat Burglar

At some point during the night last night I woke up hearing a foreign noise that I later decided was probably our next door neighbors having sex.
But when I woke up, perhaps because of the sound, the dream I had been having, and confused sleepiness, I was suddenly stricken with fear that someone might break into our apartment.
I wasn't worried that the sound was of someone breaking into our apartment, but that someone might, in a few, moments break in.
This is not something I normally worry about. Rarely do I even lock doors. In the house I lived in before I didn't even own a key.
The feeling of fear and concern was so strong that I felt as if it was a spiritual impression telling me I needed to lock the door.
I generally don't think in those terms and now that it is morning I feel somewhat amused by it.
But I lay there for a few moments, unable to think of anything besides someone opening our unlocked front door.
Since Marissa and I don't have a bed yet, we sleep on the futon in our living room.
It would have been a strange and scary experience to be laying in bed(futon) watching a stranger open your front door. I imagine it would be uncomfortable for the burglar as well since he or she would have been expecting us to be upstairs in our room.
Instead, we would make eye contact, since I was looking at the front door. For a moment neither of us would know what to do, and ideally the cat burglar would just back out and close the door behind him or herself.
After a little while of laying in bed full of fear I got up and locked the front and back door, somehow knocking a painting off the wall in the process.

Never Forget.

It is funny how 'never forget' or some variation based on the idea of not forgetting has become the slogan of September 11th. As if anyone is at risk of forgetting what may be the most momentous event to occur in their lifetime. Not only is no one at risk of forgetting, but is this even a mantra we want to be repeating? Never forget, keep fear, anger and resentment burning inside of you?

It would be interesting and nice if instead of being constantly reminded to not forget, we had a mantra about forgiveness. As a Christian nation, a mantra of forgiveness would be more inline with Christianity than one of never forgetting, Something no one is at risk of in the first place.

Here are a few pictures of the new place Marissa and I have moved into. As well as a couple pictures of a morning glory flower I have been growing which recently bloomed.

network

Sometimes in the morning I will check the news and my email and click on links. I will start to get this overwhelmed but excited feeling I used to get when I was younger and interested in discovering as many new bands as I could. Overwhelmed because I know that no matter how much looking I do there will always be many things undiscovered, things that could possible be very interesting. This feeling is also very exciting. The excitement of unknown treasures. I can spend several hours clicking from one link to the next with this sense of urgency that I might miss something interesting. As anyone who has been with me while using the internet knows, I might have 15-20 different tabs open of things I want to read.
But then I force myself to close it all, and suddenly all the urgency is gone. Tabs that I felt such a strong compulsion to keep open and make sure I read, once gone are not missed at all and I feel myself
I guess this is a good example of how having too many options can decrease our enjoyment. As much as I love the internet this part of why I prefer books. When reading a book I only have one option and don't have the sense that there might be some incredibly interesting bit of information just around the corner that I might be missing and must keep my eyes open. With a book, I only have one option, which unfolds linearly allowing me to be satisfied with what I have and the order I take it in. I know it will all be there, and I won't miss any of it, even if I forget to bookmark the page for later.

Scavenger.

Imagine your discouragement if you were doing a scavenger hunt worth $1,000,000 and you reached the final quest which was to find an Asian person (from oriental Asia.) whose native accent is Irish.








Chinese leprechaun

Are Humans good or Bad?

Whenever I hear the issue raised of whether human nature is essentially good or bad, I feel the question is misplaced. It seems like asking whether cats are essentially good or bad.
We have evolved certain tendencies which are good in some circumstances and bad in others. In modern life, many of the features which may have benefitted us while living in the plains of Africa 100,000 years can now be a hinderance, such as our almost insatiable appetite for sweets and fats. When we lived life as hunters and gatherers, it was difficult to accumulate material goods, and so being in a state constant craving for more and more likely served us well. This perpetual craving was necessary to stay alive. Since the invention of agriculture and much more so with modern technology, this state of constant craving leads to excess and waste. But is this something that can be held against us? Is it a moral failing for our technological advances to occur far faster than the rate of evolution? Can humans be held responsible for having evolved particular tendencies over millions of years, some of which can be destructive to ourselves and others, particularly when in a different context than those tendencies evolved to be helpful? I don't believe this judgment is anymore fair than it would be to condemn a grizzly bear as evil if you let it run loose in a mall and it eats people or a bunch of large pretzels. Yes, the bear may end up with a stomach ache and the pretzel shop owner is now without pretzels or life, but the bear shouldn't be blamed for following desires which are otherwise beneficial, but within that context were harmful.
I am not trying to say that certain human tendencies and actions are not harmful and destructive, because some are. But in general, they are harmful because of context. In the context within which those tendencies evolved, they were beneficial, otherwise they would not have evolved.
There are very few tendencies which might be seen as destructive regardless of the context. A person who today might be a regarded as celebrity because of their joke telling ability may have, in the past may have been regarded as serving little purpose. At the same time, someone who today may be seen as quick to anger or a brute may at one time played a valuable role in the survival of his tribe.

If we had none of the traits we today regard as the failings of human nature, it is unlikely any of us would even exist today, because at one point in time those traits were necessary for our survival. To regard humans as bad, or even good, for maintaining tendencies which were necessary at certain points in time for our survival, some of which are now destructive because of our radically changed environment, is, I believe, an unfair and misplaced judgment.

More on group Hierarchies.

Considering the post I wrote below, on the role of serotonin and a person's perceived status relative to those around them. I wonder if this phenomenon is one aspect of what makes religion such a powerful force. When God or Gods are part of a person's life, it creates a separate social hierarchy aside from the observable one. Aside from whatever additional hierarchies are created by the physical aspects of a religion, such as a priesthood class, there is also the invisible hierarchy with God or Gods at the top.

A person's perceived status would no longer be based simply on how they fit with people around them, because now the hierarchy has another element: God. Serotonin has been shown to play a large role in spiritual feelings, and perhaps that is because a person who is feeling something spiritual is feeling they have high status within the 'God hierarchy'. The individual may be feeling a sense of God's love and approval which would allow them to see themselves as having a some sort of "higher status" than they otherwise would.

Serotonin and the Grandiose

Something about mania that had long seemed bizarre to me now, I think, makes sense.
A common element, when a person is experiencing a manic episode, is grandiose thinking. Depending on the degree of the episode, a person may come to believe they are God or Jesus or something relevant to their experience and culture that is at the pinnacle of that particular field.

It didn't seem that their was any obvious connection between someone feeling euphoric, and believing they occupied the highest possible position in their social group.

However, as I have learned more about the role of serotonin, it seems to make perfect sense.

Serotonin is probably one of the most well known neurotransmitters. Most anti-depressants on the market today work by affecting serotonin in the brain. Like most neurotransmitters, serotonin has a variety of functions, not all of which are entirely clear, but one of it's primary functions relates to a person's status within a social group.

When a monkey, (or a person or an ape or a gorilla and other non-primates even lobsters ), has high social status relative to those around them, their serotonin levels increase. Dominate primates, with high levels of serotonin exhibit certain behaviors that allow them to be recognized as the leader of the group such as confidence and calm. Subordinate primates with low serotonin levels also exhibit characteristic subordinate behavior and demeanor. A study was done at the University California by Michael McGuire which showed that Human beings, even children who observe a group of captive monkeys can quickly recognize who is the Dominate individual.

It is not simply that those with high Serotonin levels tend to become the dominate individual(though this may play a role as well.) When the group hierarchy is artificially altered so that the subordinate monkey becomes dominate, the once dominate monkey's serotonin levels decrease, while the currently dominate monkey's serotonin levels increase. And similarly, if certain animals are injected with serotonin they then exhibit behavior characteristic dominance. The same effect has been shown in humans as well. An individual's serotonin levels has a direct correlation to their perceived status relative to those around them. I think a little bit of introspection on our lives experience also shows this to frequently be true.

Considering this, it seems clear why, when a person is experiencing a manic episode, and their serotonin levels are extremely high, they would then perceive themselves as having as much status as a person could possibly have, ie. feel like Jesus.

I have a lot more thoughts on this, but I don't want this entry to be too long.

While I was writing this I was reading about different dominate animal behavior, one interesting thing I read "Chimpanzees show deference to the alpha of the community by ritualised gestures such as bowing, allowing the alpha to walk first in a procession, or standing aside when the alpha challenges." This stood out to me because it sounded so much like L Tom Perry said in reference to the functioning of the Quorum of the Twelve:
"We are certain to follow the order of the Church in our meetings and in all we do. This has been clearly established. For example, I would never think of going through a door before Elder Packer. He is the President of our Council."

Choices.

Imagine being given a choice between two options.
The first option is that you would be given a desirable attribute, such as being intelligent or gifted in a particular art. Whatever trait you most admire in others, you would have. However, no one would ever know you had this trait. In fact, people would believe you were deficient in that area. So if you were actually very smart, everyone would think you were dumb.

or

The second option would be the inverse of the first. Everyone would believe you were extremely gifted in an area where you were actually not.

No matter what you did, no one would ever find out the truth, so there would be none of the stress of having to maintain a false appearance.

I imagine most people would choose the second option.
Wouldn't it be weird if these were choices we actually had to face in life? I suppose we do to some degree, in terms of weather or not to lie or cheat, or pull a Milli Vanilli, but it would be weird if choices of this magnitude were things we faced occasionally.

There was something I had been wanting to write, but it slipped my mind. So instead I wrote about this and the heatwave. I hope I remember.

I haven't been online much. Well, i've been reading the news and watching hulu, but haven't logged onto anything social for about a week. Partly because school is so busy during summer. Partly because once I miss a couple days of keeping up on things, the effort required to catch up feels unpleasant, so I will put off email/blog/facebook checking .And with all things, the more it is avoided, the greater it becomes in our minds and often in reality. Now a week has passed and I have so many things to catch up on.

I don't mean to sound as if I feel extremely overwhelmed and burdened by internet responsibilities. It is not something that weighs on me throughout the day. Only for split seconds when I think to check my email, then remember how many hundreds of messages there will be, so I decide to wait until later. I have no trouble being able to put out of my mind things I don't want to deal with at the moment. This is both positive and negative. It helps me be generally free from anxiety, but also can also cause me to not follow through with tedious, but important tasks. If there is something unpleasant, that I cannot do anything about, and dwelling on it will only cause worry and anxiety without helping the issue. In these situations it is to my benefit to not worry or think about future responsibilities. However, other things that are unpleasant, but are made worse by my inaction, such as turning in a form to my bank, are also very easy for me to not worry about. And because I am not worried about it, I often end up not doing it, which often leaves me having more to do than before.

I guess this illustrates why many spiritual attributes are difficult to attain. They are not helpful to our survival, so evolution would not have favored those traits. In this example I suppose I am specifically thinking of 'being in the moment'.

As much psychological benifit may come from 'being in the moment', it is clear why this was not a trait favored by evolution. It is easy to imagine why someone who is able to think about and be concerned with future events, is going to have a much higher survival rate than someone who is perpetually 'in the moment'
Very young children and people with brain damage are good at being in the moment, and that is why they aren't able to take care of themselves.
Our ability to constantly think and worry about the future, as well as consider our failures and successes from the past are a lot of what has made humans so successful at a variety of tasks. Yet this same attribute which helps us survive, makes it difficult to enjoy our survival. When we can slow down and appreciate things, it allows us to enjoy and savor the experience of being alive. But when we do this too much we don't take care of responsibilities necessary for survival.

I read a book last year about a woman, who was a Neuroscientist but then had a stroke. She damaged much of her left brain, and lost many of the functions that help us survive such as linear thinking and a sense of self. In essence, she had achieved the Buddhist conscept of Nirvana. She felt literally one with everything around her, because the part of her brain which tells us where our body begins and ends was damaged. She also lost her ability to reason forward or backwards, so she was very much in the moment. She described feelings euphoria and ecstascy and all the things one would hope and expect to feel if you had reached Nirvana. And yet, because of these very same things, she lost all her survival skills. She had to be taken care of by her mother until she recovered those functions which allowed her to survive, yet took much of the euphoria out of survival.

Sunrise

One thing that hadn't occurred to me about summer living at this latitude is how long the days are. The sun rises before 5:30 and doesn't set until past 9. I find myself waking up around six and not being able to return to sleep. I realized I didn't have any reason to fight this, so I have begun making the most of my morning hours, which I love.

Perusing various news sites this morning, it occurred to me that Cnn isn't quite the reputable news source I had previously imagined. Not that their reporting seems flawed or overtly biased, but the stories covered and emphasized barely reflect what I see as the important issues of the world. I feel I could thoroughly read Cnn.com every day and still be relatively uninformed about actual news stories. On the other hand, I would be very informed about celebrity news and crime stories. I would know all about who had been kidnapped lately and who the prime suspects were, in addition to any minor setback a celebrity may encounter, but I would only have a shallow awareness of any other event.
It still doesn't compare to fox news in terms of vacuous coverage, but it is much closer than I had previously thought. I'm not saying Cnn.com is terrible, it just isn't what I had imagined before I tried using it. I had imagined it being more in depth and relavent, instead of gossipy tabloid. It does have articles on 'important' issues, but they are far from the focus. For example, a very important bill was enacted today effecting the federal student loan program, CNN.com has reported on it, but one would have to search for this article to find it. What you wouldn't have to search for are articles like 'Disco Saves man's life' 'photo may show children's grave' about a murder which happened over a decade ago.

Other people's beliefs.

Sometime more than one year ago, but less than two, a person made a comment to me about how the beliefs of religiously fundamental people are best explained by psychological factors. At the time I agreed, however there was something about it I felt uncomfortable with.

I have thought about the comment frequently since it was made, and only recently did I realize why I felt uncomfortable with it.

I think it represents something many of us, including myself, do frequently. That is, to limit the beliefs of those we disagree with to merely fulfilling some psychological need, while feeling our own beliefs are free from any such entanglement. In a sense implying that if others had all their psychological needs met then they would believe and see the world as we do and that our beliefs are the only 'pure' beliefs.

Religious people often feel that those who don't believe in God or religion are in reality looking for excuse to 'sin' and be 'bad' and so pretend to not believe in God so as to allow themselves justification for behaving immorally.
At the same time many Atheists and non-religious people like to limit the beliefs of religious people to being nothing more than a tool for comfort (ie. opiate of the masses).
To be sure, it seems both views have some truth. I am sure there are some people who would otherwise believe in God but suppress that belief to reduce whatever discomfort they might otherwise feel when engaging in certain forbidden behavior. As well I'm sure there are religious people who hold their beliefs only as a useful tool to comfort themselves.
However, by and large I think most people hold their beliefs because as they see the world, the evidence supports their beliefs.

(I am using religion as an example because it is an easy one, but this phenomenon applies to all sorts of divided beliefs. One could apply it to meat eaters and vegetarians, or conservatives and liberals or a million other things)

For some reason, it seems we have a hard time accepting that others don't see the world as we do, and so we need to create reasons why their way of believing is less pure than our own. If we see those who disagree with us as being irrational then it is much easier to feel comfortable with our current beliefs than if we recognize that their are intelligent psychologically healthy people who simply interpret the vast data surrounding us in different ways. It is funny how often people accuse other groups of people of having cognitive dissonance. I am reading a book called 'The Spiritual Brain' where a neuroscientist tries to make a case for the spiritual realm via neuroscience(it is not good, I do not recommend it). The author repeatedly accuses non-spirit believing scientists of cognitive dissonance and avoiding contradictory evidence. I know many materialist scientists accuse faithful scientists of the same thing.



It is true that certain belief systems fulfill psychological needs in some way. Probably all belief systems do to some degree. But just because a belief does fulfill a psychological need or desire, doesn't mean that belief isn't true (it also doesn't mean the belief is true). Someone may have an interest in science because they find it comforting or interesting to learn mechanisms of how our world works, this doesn't make science less valid. Many people practice religion because it brings comfort and order to their lives. This doesn't make religion any less valid. Of course, if a belief system only fulfills psychological needs, and the only reason a person could possibly hold a certain belief is because of wish fulfillment, then that belief would be suspect, but very few beliefs are actually this way, despite how much we often see our opponents beliefs as being this way.

We often experience cartoon like exaggerations of opponents view points. When I read critics of evolution, I notice their portrayal of evolution is often grossly mistaken. They claim it would be irrational for someone to believe such a thing and often they are right, because as they portray the theory of evolution it is irrational for someone to believe such a thing. Since we generally only interact with those we agree with and read things by those we agree with, we tend to develop very distorted views of our opponents beliefs, to the point that if someone actually held the beliefs we think they do, they would irrational.

Having held radically opposed belief systems myself has been helpful for me to recognize the sincerity of others beliefs. When I had a strong belief in God and religion, I think there were times when I saw those who didn't as wanting to justify a certain lifestyle. Now that I do not have a strong belief in God or religion, I recognize that whatever factors may be behind my belief, I am no more or less sincere in my current belief than I was in my former belief. When I look back on my believing self, given what I knew then, I feel it was reasonable for me to believe as I did then, which is something I need to repeatedly remind myself when I think about others who are currently in the circumstance I once was.

I think many of our conflicts in life, both on a large scale and small scale, would be a lot more productive if we allowed those we disagree with us the benefit of holding rational beliefs. As well we would be able to see those we disagree with as more human if we recognized that given a person's knowledge and situation it is reasonable for them to hold the beliefs that they do. Most people generally don't take an argument against their belief seriously unless they recognize that the person arguing against them really understands what the belief is, as well as how one could reasonably hold such a belief.
The more segmented we are becoming because of our diverse media options, the less we are exposed to any opposing views. The less we understand opposing views, the less we can relate to the people who hold them and see them as having the same rights and worth that we do.

There and Back again

Marissa and I have returned from our Arizona vacation. We had went to to see her 19 year old sister get married.

On our way to Phoenix we drove down the coast of Oregon and California, which was beautiful, then cut over in Los Angelouis (Armstrong). On our way home we drove up through Utah and Idaho, which is, surprisingly, slightly longer than the coastal route, but not surprisingly much, much more boring. Though, if i had air conditioner, I wouldn't be bored driving through the most monotonous desert for 48 hours because of how much I love road trips. Why am I not a cross country trucker? Because I am a fool.

One highlight from the trip was our stop in San Francisco, which I described as a cross between New York and Portland. Some describe it as the homosexual capital of the world. It has the Highest percentage of homosexuals of any other city, with 15.4% homosexuals, only my neighboring city Seattle comes in close with 12.9% preferring butt piracy to other pirate forms.

We wanted to explore the city and our inner fudge packer, but our first priority was to find a Rite-Aid. We had a prescription we needed to fill in Olympia, but the rite-aid in our town was closed for a so-called 'Memorial Day', and there are no rite-aids in Arizona, so this was our last chance before the stores would close, or we reach Arizona. We had the address for a Rite-Aid and spent almost two hours on our feet, (most of it in a ghetto, that was actually really fun and exciting for me) trying to find it. We finally realized the reason we were having such a hard time finding it is because it had just been turned into a Wal-Greens! We were both fairly discouraged, tired and hungry by this point, but it turned out we were right by one of the best vegetarian restaurants either of us had ever eaten at. And a car crash occured about 15 feet from our seat while we were eating.

As we left the restaurant, we noticed police redirecting cars and buses away from the street we were on. I had earlier noticed several people carrying signs about prop 8, which I thought might be due to some anomoly in the fabric of space/time, until I remembered this happened to be the day when the California Supreme court was voting whether or not to uphold Prop 8.

Not long after we witness thousands and thousands of people marching down the street, carrying signs and chanting. At the very front of the group was a nerdy 18 yr old Asian (ie. Russia or India, j/k, the Orient) guy texting on his phone, who seemed as if were unaware 20,000 people were behind him protesting. As if he just happened to be walking in the middle of the street at the same time the march formed, but felt too uncomfortable to either change his route or join in.

We debated whether we should join the texting Asian guy or the protest group, and eventualy decided to let peer pressure decide or values and we joined the larger group, marching and chanting and being filmed by the local news. It was exhilarating to be part of such a group. I have participated in protests and rallys before, but never in a way that felt so relevant. Protesting the Iraq war in downtown Salt Lake doesn't have the same feeling as protesting in the homosexual capital of the world hours after the California Supreme Court voted to uphold discrimination against them.

Other interesting and fun things happened on the trip. Over all it was very enjoyable. I always love to travel, especially by car. I love the high that comes after hours and hours of driving and drinking caffeine. I love getting to see places I have never seen. I love the feeling of freedom I have while traveling. Whatever obligations, responsibilities and commitments I normally have to people and things while at home are all gone on the road and in it's place a sense of freedom and wonder.