My cool self.

Something amusing to me about myself:

There have been two instances in philosophy classes,(each instance is very similar)
Both times we were being taught of of prominent idea or school of philosophy, and during the lecture I developed in my mind a criticism which I thought might void the entire idea.
Both times I felt eager to mention my idea, but decided to wait a little bit. Think it over more carefully to make sure it made sense, as well as, bring it up at a more opportune time so as not to interrupt the teacher's flow.

Each time, the teacher ended up bringing up my point, as having been raised by some other philosopher, many years or decades after the original idea had become established among the philosophical community. In one case, destroying the school of thought entirely, and in the other, casting serious doubt the concept as being valid.
Both times (two different teachers)
The teacher prefaced the paradigm shifting idea I had come up, and didn't say in time as being brilliant, or 'then some genius came along and pointed out...')
Obviously, at that point it would have been dumb of me to say, 'Wait! Wait! I Promise was JUST about to say that!'(Look at me! I am smart! Think well of me for being smart! please!)
And each time I felt so burned. Wishing so bad I had spoke up sooner.
And even know I will occasionally remember both moments, and feel 'Man!, I sure wish I had spoke up sooner'
But this is so funny and dumb to me. I mean, who cares? Why, even now, is there a part of me that wishes I had impressed some teacher who very likely has no memory of me, or students, whose names I didn't even know?

Even though I can recognize how dumb and silly this is, I still feel it. I mean, it isn't a big issue I think about often, but I do on occasion.

Sometimes I think I do well at not caring if others think well of me, or don't place my sense of value in how others see me, but then things like this remind me I still have a long way to go.

Not that I think it is totally baseless to base a certain amount of value on others assessment of ourselves. We all lack a great deal of objectivity concerning ourselves, so it can help to understand how others see us. But only to a point. And since other people's tastes vary so much from person to person, it would be a fruitless, and even counter-productive effort trying to appease all.

1 comment:

Vincent said...

you have whetted my appetite to know the philosophical details here. I realise that i want to think well of you for being smart.

And the odd thing is i have just wakened from a dream in which i finally rediscovered a friend I'd been at university with (who was a philosophy student). It has been impossible to find him before because he has the same name as someone famous from the same town (Liverpool).

Anyhow what he does now (in the dream) is some psychology theory, I suppose as an academic. He showed me a brochure for his work and I could not understand it at all.

Anyhow, the oddest thing is that you look very much as he did then: the same facial features.

I only encountered your blog just now after seeing your comment on Paul's blog.