Birthday.

It was my birthday a few days ago. Marissa and I went camping at the beach and then I didn't even check my email till yesterday. Lately, whenever circumstances leads me to not check my email one day, I find myself then putting it off for one, maybe two or three more days, knowing I will have an overwhelming amount of emails to respond to. Even though I know that putting it off even more just increases the pile up.
I started a new blog. If you click on my profile, you can get the link.
Here are some birthday photos:



At the Dollar store ($) Marissa came across and purchased two kites. They worked a little better than I imagined, but despite the perfect weather for kite flying, we weren't able to get them above 5 feet in the air.


Even though I don't typically like to support businesses like Burger King, nor do I generally enjoy the food they offer, the BK VEGGIE is one of the best, possibly the best veggie burger I have had. I try not to eat them too often. I think of them as sort of a guilty pleasure. But on special days, such as my birthday, I love to eat one. Marissa had one as well. It was her first. She enjoyed it, even though she got it without the toppings, which, in my mind, is what makes it so good. She also got it with a slice of Swiss cheese on BOTH sides of the patty.


This wasn't on my birthday. But it IS a photograph. We are playing Magic the Gathering in Priest Point Park. A stunningly beautiful park in Olympia. Marissa as talking on the phone a while ago to one of her friends and mentioned that we had been playing the card game 'Magic the Gathering' her friend asked if it was a cult. I found and find this so so funny. What would it mean for a game to be a cult?



We came across this jealous jelly fish on the beach. It was the first Jelly fish I have seen with my own eyes.



We decided to hop in the water and see if we could find more jelly fish.

At Bk still.


Curious about the texture and durability of the jelly fish, I poked it and pushed it with my foot until it kind of broke apart. I ended up kicking it really hard to see how it would withstand. I felt kind of gross while I was doing it. I am not sure if the jelly fish was alive and I am not sure if Jelly fish have an advanced enough nervous system that it could feel any pain, but I felt bad destroying, with my foot, a living Jell-o dish.

.

To wrap everything up, I would like to which everyone a happy 420. I would like to wish everyone a sober and sad Hitler's birthday and Columbine anniversary. But, if it is getting you too down to think about it, you should get high on Marijuana.

xxx-mas

It is Christmas Eve. Oh, I guess now it is Christmas.
I like some of the stuff Jesus may have said, but I would not consider myself a Christian, but I still celebrate Christmas.
In some ways Christmas is just another day to me. I enjoy the holiday season. Things feel fun and exciting, but Christmas itself doesn't feel much different than other days around this time. It is kind of fun giving and receiving presents, but there are many things I enjoy much more. Any day that has a lot of expectations to be a particular way I think is unlikely to fulfill those expectations. I often have good experiences and memories created around the holiday time, but rarely are those moments actually on Christmas day. Christmas usually feels chaotic with lots of kids around being kind of selfish about their toys and kind of loud. It is fun, and I enjoy kids, but it isn't the highlight of the year. Often the good times are on Christmas Eve, playing games and watching movies with my family without the young kids being wacky. Tonight was good, I spent time at my sister Amy's house. We watched Hellboy 2 and Flight of the Concords, we also talked and made jokes and I ate an individually packaged pickle and saved the pickle juice in a cup and made my sister's couch smell like my arm pit, but Christmas time definitely isn't the same without my brother and his wife around.

Speaking of expectations. It is now a little more than 24 hours till I pick Marissa up from the airport. This is a highly anticipated moment, that I do not think will be an example of unmet expectations. Reuniting with a person is different than a holiday. Marissa described our reuniting as being the most highly anticipated moment of her life and I would say the same applies for myself.

I want to write an entry explaining why I feel so strongly about Marissa. I was thinking I might write that entry right now, but I want be able to fully articulate my thoughts and I am probably too sleepy right now to do it justice.
One thing I realized a little while ago, is that even if I were not in love with Marissa I would want to marry her. I don't think love should be the primary reason people should marry. Love is fickle and chemical, and won't, in and of itself hold a relationship together because it is not substantial. People did not marry for love until somewhat recently. Probably the early 1700's ish. When people did start marrying for love, it was controversial and looked down upon. People wrote passionately against love induced marriage. They felt that if people began to marry for love, then what would there be to hold the couple together when their love waned, as it almost always would(typically the infatuation stage only lasts about 1-3 years, but recently, some very interesting research showed that showed in a small minority of couples it never seems to wane), at some point in time. It was thought that if marriage was done for love, then the divorce rate would increase, and those people were correct, the divorce rate went way up.(when women were allowed to divorce without husband's permission the suicide rate for women went down significantly) However, I also imagine that people were able to have much more fulfilling relationships.

Although I am deeply in love with Marissa, she is so much the type of person I would, with my rational thinking, like to spend my life with, that even if I were not in love with her, I would want create a family with her.

One benefit of having had several serious relationships and having been in love before, is being able to better recognize the need for attempting to view a person rationally when considering a romantic relationship. There have been girls I felt very strongly about, while being able to recognize traits in them I found undesirable. Because of the biological reaction I had to them, I was initially able to look beyond those unwelcome attributes. But as time passed, and the oxytocin left my blood stream, those same traits became great obstacles towards having a healthy and fulfilling relationship. The first few times this sort of thing happened, it was sad and confusing. It troubled me that I could have felt so strongly at one time, then later feel so different.

I learned that while relationships are a very emotional thing, one can not trust their emotions as a good indicator of who one can have a healthy and fulfilling relationship with. Which is brings me back to Marissa. All of those traits I have learned to recognize as red flags for relationship trouble are absent in Marissa. And all those traits I have come to see as desirable in having thriving relationship are present.

Of course I very much enjoy being with Marissa and see her as my best friend. She is a person I admire and connect with on all levels, she also has the relationship and human being skills I see as necessary to having a happy and fulfilling relationship, and without that, after time those other things would not be able to be realized and appreciated.

I remember one time a person signed an email to me 'your friend in a world of foes' (which is ironic, because she is one of the very few people in this world I would think of as a 'foe'). I think that very well describes what it feels like for me knowing Marissa. That she is my friend in a world of Foes. Not that I see the world as being made up of foes, but no one else feel so fully 'on my side'. With Marissa there is never any sense of competition or struggle in the slightest. Only kindness, giving, compassion and empathy. We have been dating for... I guess about 4 months now?, and while we do not agree on everything, there has never been even a moment that felt like tension, let alone a fight. All of the attributes I have tried hard to cultivate in myself in terms of interacting with others, I feel come natural to her. In Ukraine she was told by the Principal's wife that not only was she their best teacher, but the best teacher they had ever had. This doesn't surprise me, because she is so good at being emotionally giving and present.

I took this screen shot as we were video chatting recently. I was amazed at how clear the image is. She got a new Macbook, which I think has something to do with it. it almost looks like a photograph.

Rick Warren.

It has been disappointing and dumb to me how the left has responded to Barack Obama inviting Rick Warren to pray at his inauguration.

If you aren't familiar, people have been upset because Rick Warren is opposed to gay marriage.

I receive the Moveon.org newsletter and and one of their recent emails was about how much of an 'outrage' it is for Rick Warren have been invited to pray. This strikes me as hypocritical. If the left wants to be the party of understanding and tolerance, this is not the way to do it. This sort of behavior is exactly what they do not like about someone like Rick Warren. Being tolerant is about allowing people you disagree with to have a voice and be included.

Allowing someone you disagree with does to say a prayer does not mean, in anyway, that you endorse their opinions. Obama has been very clear how he feels about marriage, and allowing Rick Warren to pray has no effect on that. Obama and Warren are long time friends, and his having a friendship with, and being inclusive of someone who has such different opinions than him on some issues is something that should be admired.

While I deeply disagree with Rick Warren about a variety of things (and agree with him on some others), I do not believe he is a bad person, or that his reasons for opposing gay marriage are evil. This man is doing something he believes to be correct by following a what he things is the will of a God he believes in. Yes I think it is dumb, but I understand where he is coming from and acknowledge he thinks he is doing good. I don't think anything positive will be accomplished by shunning him, and think much good will be accomplished by being compassionate towards and inclusive of him.

Obama is doing exactly what he promised to do in terms of trying to be a force of unity, it is odd people are upset or surprised at this.

If someone on the right were to disallow someone from saying a prayer at a public function for holding views the right disagreed with, people on the left would likely see this as bigoted behavior, yet when they do the same, they seem to not recognize it as such.

Post prop 8. Collective personality disorders

It is strange, almost surreal to see how the Church and Church members are responding the the backlash against them since prop 8 has passed.

Many people are frustrated and hurt by the passing of prop 8 and, understandably, wanting a place to direct their emotions. People want to respond to this injustice, and see the Lds Church as an appropriate direction for protest because of their key role in the pro prop 8 movement.

Yet the Church and Church members have adopted this sense of perplexed victimization. As if they are being arbitrarily and unfairly singled out, revealing it is actually they who are the targets of persecution and bigotry, rather than the source of it.

I think a perfect example of this is illustrated by this Facebook group.
It contains a list of 12 things, such as "Mormon voters were less than 5% of the yes vote. If one estimates that 250,000 LDS are registered voters (the rest being children), then LDS voters made up 4.6% of the Yes vote and 2.4% of the total Proposition 8 vote." Trying to show the unfairness of singling out the Lds Church, because they were actually just a small part of the pro prop 8 movement. One very crucial item left off of that list is that it is estimated that Lds Church Members provided 70% of the private money donated to the pro prop 8 movement, and these donations came in response to The Church as an organization asking its members to contribute. They also asked members in California to go door to door and place phone calls encouraging neighbors to vote yes on Prop 8.

Just before the election, there seemed to be a sense of pride among the Church and Church members for their ability to lead the Prop 8 Movement despite representing a small percentage of the population. It strikes me as extremely disingenuous for them to now act as if recognizing and responding to the major role they, above any other one group, played with prop 8 is unfair, as if they hadn't actually led the fight to ban homosexual's from marrying.

Also strange and surreal, is how the Church, and Church members, act as if them being picketed represents bigotry and persecution. To be sure, there have been a handful of violent acts, such as chapels having their windows broken, and such actions are obviously dumb and unhelpful and only represent a tiny handful of individuals, but by and large, this backlash against the Church has been by means of peaceful protests, petitions, websites etc.. For a group to spend an enormous amount of time and energy engaging in a particular behavior, then when succeeding to of those they protested against use those same actions against them, and call it persecution is bizarre.

These protesters are not asking that Lds people have their rights limited, they are not asking for a ban on Lds marriages, they are protesting the Church's having limited their rights(though some are asking for the Church's tax exempt status to be removed, which. Though I disagree with the stance the Church took, I do believe it was within their rights as a religion and should not affect their tax status).

On the Church's website, in regards to this controversy they wrote "No one on any side of the question should be vilified, intimidated, harassed or subject to erroneous information. It is important to understand that this issue for the Church has always been about the sacred and divine institution of marriage— a union between a man and a woman. Allegations of bigotry or persecution made against the Church were and are simply wrong."

As my brother wisely pointed out, this statement contradicts itself. It begins by saying, no one should be vilified. Then says marriage between a man and woman is divine That is vilification. It vilifies their opposition to say their position is divine. Implication: the alternative is not divine, but from Satan.
For them to claim that allegations of bigotry or persecution are wrong, is misunderstanding what persecution and bigotry mean. Again, as my brother pointed out bigotry means: "obstinately convinced of the superiority of their opinions". When you say your beliefs are divine, and the oppositions are not, and then spend enormous amounts of time and money advocating legislation which enforces that belief this clearly fits that definition.

It does not matter how much they emphasize their love for homosexuals as individuals. It does not matter if they feel no animosity or dislike for particular homosexuals, to vilify their position and deny them rights is bigotry and persecution. I don't believe most Mormons or the leaders, are personally bigoted against homosexuals, and in recent years the Church has shown improvement by encouraging members to be compassionate to the circumstance of homosexual individuals. But saying something like, 'I don't have anything against Xgroup of people', does not make their desire to deny them certain rights any less. No matter how much a person may say they have nothing against black people, if they also act to deny black people equal treatment, it doesn't do much good. Some people seem to think that adding they don't have anything against a particular group, then makes it okay for them to deny same group rights, but it is the rights which matter most. The important thing about being seen with compassion, is what it leads to, so acknowledging a compassion while rejecting what it should lead to falls short. Much like the concept, 'faith without works is dead', 'acceptance' without equal treatment is dead.

Imagine if a group tried to deny Lds people to marry as they desired. No matter how often they said they had nothing against Mormon's personally, for them to deny them the right to practice their beliefs would be perceived as persecution.
Of course, and what makes this situation so ironic, is that the example above isn't hypothetical. There was once a time when people tried to deny Lds people to marry how they believed(the obvious example of plurual marriage, but there was once even an effort made in 1870 to pass legislation to make any Mormon marriage invalid.) Many of the exact same arguments being by the Church against homosexual marriage, were those used against the Church. People appealed to tradition. People said that by allowing marriage to be something different than a Union between one man and one woman, it threatened the institution of marriage. At that time, the Church Brigham Young responded with many of the same defenses that advocates of gay marriage are using. And of course, the Church saw this opposition as bigotry and persecution. Now, when they are the aggressor, it is only seen as standing up for their beliefs. Even when their is a backlash, and protests, people upset about having their rights taken away, the Church again sees even this as persecution and bigotry. Apparently, according to the Church, fighting to deny a group their rights is not persecution, unless that group is Mormons. When this type of behavior comes from an individual, that person is said to suffer from a narcissistic personality disorder. I wonder if a group can collectively suffer from a psychological disorder.




Of course, the Church and Church members have a certain affinity for seeing themselves as victims of persecution. Opposition is seen as emphasizing the truthfulness of the Church. To quote what someone wrote on the Facebook group I linked above: "the LDS church being attacked is just more proof that this is the true church of Jesus Christ. Satan wouldn't focus all his energy on it if it weren't for a reason." If Lds people were to really follow through with this reasoning, they should convert to Scientology, a group far more persecuted against than Mormons. Or if persecution were an indication of truthfulness, should we then take that to indicate the goodness of gay marriage because "satan wouldn't focus all his energy on it if it weren't for a reason"?

Thobe.

I accidentally took an 8 hour nap today. Since my nights are Marissas days and vice versa, most often when we speak one of us needs to be up in the middle of the night. Recently it has been easier for it to be me to be the one having to wake up super early or stay up super late. Marissa is visiting Prague this week, so unable to talk on skype. While it is a bummer not getting to talk to her so much, I am able to catch up on some sleep. But since I slept so much during the day, I haven't been able to sleep tonight. Eventually I gave up and decided to stay up all night. Now here I am writing in my blog at 5 in the am.

Here is one of the most highly anticipated blog entries of 2008. Hold on to your hats. If you don't have one, please go buy a hat before you read this.

My thobe.

Before this time last year, I didn't even know what a thobe was.
One day, I was perusing photos on flickr and came across this:



I saw the photo and thought: 'that seems like the ideal piece of clothing. So elegant in its practical simplicity'. I have long felt a certain envy of the dresses girls get to wear. They seem so comfortable and practical. While I may sometimes be eccentric in my clothing choices, I never do it for the sake of eccentricity, or to stand out, rather I believe that if almost anyone wore what they sincerely most desired to wear without concern of others opinions there appearance would seem 'eccentric'. And the idea of wearing a dress felt too much. As if I were trying for others attention. I also felt drawn to robes, but didn't really know where to get one, and also thought a robe seemed a bit too rich.

Then heavenly godfather smiled into my face and I came across that flickr photo. The labels said something about Morocco, and I had the sense the photos subjects were Muslim. I searched google.goom for Morocco, robe and Muslim and quickly learned this dream garment is named 'Thobe'.

Knowing the name, it was then easy to find vendors online offering just what I wanted. Most Thobes tend to be fairly expensive, at least compared to what I am used to spending. For a decent thobe, typical prices run between 50-100$. They are generally made of quality material, and well manufactured, so the extra cost is not excessive.

Fortunate for me, when I first learned about the thobe, it was this same time of year, ie. not far from Christmas, so I asked my mom for a Christmas thobe. That same Christmas, I also asked for some Baha'i prayer beads, and my mother expressed to my brother she was worried that my new religion was causing me to want to wear robes and beads. I thought that was funny. Prayer beads are not generally worn, and the thobe has no direct relationship to being a Baha'i, an idea my mother still seems to struggle with despite my frequent reminders.

I was pretty happy and excited about my thobe when I opened it Christmas morning. But when I first tried it on, my brother, not with any unkind intentions, commented that my thobe seemed a bit Lord of the Rings-ish. This really burst my bubble. I very rarely wore the thobe after hearing that. And when I did it was usually just around the house. Thinking of the thobe in terms of Lord of the Rings imagery caused it to lose almost all its appeal.

Fortunately, one day over the summer I happened to wear my thobe to Isaac's house. He told me that Kustav Klimt had a robe made for him which he wore every day during the later part of his life. He then showed me a picture of Klimt in his robe:



Seeing that picture, and how much I loved how his robe looked, fully reignited my thobe love and overcame any hesitation I might feel about it seeming Lord of the Rings-ish.

Since that time, I have been wearing my thobe pretty regularly. Well, not too much during hot(dog) days of summer, because my thobe is surprisingly warm. Perfect for the chilly northwest. When I began wearing my thobe regularly my mother asked if it was because of some admonition from my fellow Baha'is.

I think some people at my school might think I am something like a monk. I once walked by a Buddhist monk and he gave me a nod and hello in a 'hello fellow monk' sort of way. The next day I saw another Buddhist monk wearing a robe the same color as my thobe, with a shirt over the top as I often wear my thobe. I suppose it is understandable some may mistake me for a monk. (also, seeing that monk confirmed to me how much I enjoyed the robe with shirt aesthetic)

Aside from the visual aspects of thobe wearing, my sense when I first saw the above thobe photo, that it appeared to be the ideal article of clothing, has been confirmed to me through actual usage.

When I still believed in the Lds Church, I chose to wear one piece garments(these are the sacred undergarments Lds people who have gone through the temple covenant to always wear. They generally come in the form of boxer shorts and a t-shirt, but one also has the option of wearing one piece garments. Sort of like a big onesie that babies wear. It wasn't too long ago that all garments were one piece. Today one piece garments tend to only be worn by older people who are used to having worn them their entire adult lives.) at first because of the novelty, but quickly came to love them for the comfort and convenience. I greatly desired something similar to wear on the outside, and even designed an article of clothing I named 'Tubal-cainers'. Unfortunately I was never able to bring this vision to life.(though still hope to, once I learn how to make a decent crotch. When I knit a pair of shorts, I learned that crotch making is very difficult.)

However, my thobe has more than fulfilled the dream of comfort I hopde to achieve with Tubal-cainers. The material is so light and thin, yet strong and warm. In terms of comfort, it seems as close as one could get to nudity, without the drawbacks of actually being nude, which is everyone being able to see when you have a boner.

I also appreciate it being one piece. I don't need to coordinate and find a top and bottom, just slip on one perfect article of clothing. Everyday. However I do often wear something over the thobe, such as a hoodie or flannel. This is mostly for temperature control. Although the thobe is surprisingly warm, in this chilly fall weather I still often need a little something more, like a jacket or sweater. Despite that, wearing a thobe still removes one step, because I would otherwise still need some sort of jacket or sweater over a shirt.

One potential drawback I foresee with the thobe will be in the cold of winter, cold wind blowing up onto my legs. Thankfully I have a pair of hand knit long johns Melissa bought for luke, who then gave to me.

Here is me wearing my thobe, with one of my favorite sweaters. It has llamas on it. I bought it at the Hare Krisna temple. It is hand made from wool and llama hairs, but was only about 20$



I have been wearing my thobe almost every day. This Christmas I am going to ask for multiple thobes in a variety of colors.
Here are some I am looking at getting:













I told Marissa I would like to get married in a thobe, and saw a tiny trace of....disappointment? pass over her face. Disappointment seems like too strong a word. Just a sense of her not sharing my enthusiasm of me wearing a thobe while being wed. I reassured her I wasn't particularly attached to what I would wear, and she responded that if it was something special to me, as long as it wasn't something like footy pajamas, she would be fine with it. I guess we will cross that bridge(on 4-wheelers) when we get there. But I would get a very nice thobe for the occasion. And be bare foot (marissa's idea). In the forest(also marissa's idea). With flowers(everyone's idea)f. and prayer flags. And a golden calf(for worshiping).

Speaking of Prayer flags, here are some photos of Prayer Flags. I love Prayer flags. In the photo above of me wearing my llama sweater you may have noticed prayer flags on the wall. That is actually an optical illusion, the walls are covered in love.

Please

will someone buy me this sweatshirt?




i really like it!




you can buy it here.

Have it mailed to:
Christopher Allman
2501 sevedge ct ne
olympia wa
98506


not really related, but here is a picture of my face morphed with Marissa's face. I was surprised by the results. it looks kind of weird.. one thing that surprised me to realize while making the morph is that marissa's jaw is more square than mine. I feel like a square jaw typically creates masculine facial features, but I feel her face is very feminine, and mine fairly masculine. go figure. Also, the picture of here I used of here wasn't great for morphing. Looking through the photos i have of here, i realized I didn't have any great morphing photos. What I chose was the only one that would work. Her eyes are closed, and her head was tilted. It was tilted much further, So i tilted it a bit to the other side. Which created a bit of an unnatural appearance. But it gets the job done enough:












here is a picture of Marissa and I video skyping:




The final issue I would like to address is Lily Cole. I am not quite sure who she is. A fashion model I think. I came across this photo of her while doing a Google image search for something else. I think she looks very weird. An upside down egg, with eyes very far apart. Normally these are features I find attractive, but in this instance they have been taken too far and cause her to look like a space alien:

Hi Marissa, Hi Brown Bear. Hello Self. Hello houses.

I have been making 2 or 3 ink paintings each day. I really love working with ink. And then some houses I like. Last night I saved over seventy pictures of houses I liked. maybe i will post them slowly over time. or maybe I will post them all in one huge entry. I hope i don't do that. Then a picture from a tea ceremony. There is an old chicken coop in the back yard of this house and I have been converting it into a tea room for tea ceremonies. I will post some pictures of my progress. If any of you come visit me in Olympia we can have a tea ceremony together. Oh, Also posted is a screen shot of Marissa and I video chatting. Isn't her hair pretty?






Here is some zen wisdom I got from Vincent's excellent blog.

This piece comes from zen's Third Patriarch Seng Ts’an:

Let things take their own course,
Knowing the essence can neither go nor stay.

Obey the nature of things,
And you are in concord with the Way,
Calm and easy and free from care. *

Thoughts that are fettered turn from Truth,
Sink into the unwise habit of not liking.

Not liking brings weariness of spirit,
And aversion serves to no purpose.

If you want to follow the doctrine of the One,
Do not reject the world of the senses.

When you are not biased, the world of the senses
Is seen as one with enlightenment.
The wise practise non-interference.
. . . .

To trust in the heart is the not-two,
The not-two is to trust in the heart.

I have spoken - but in vain,
For what words can tell
Of things that have no yesterday,
Tomorrow or today?
. . . .

The whirligigs of Apparent and Void all come from mistaken views;



Or,

*Let your nature blend with the Way and wander in it free from care.

Isobel

My niece Isobel finally got the doll I made for her.

A while ago Isobel, who is....four? Got an email address and began sending me emails. In thinking of what to respond to her I got the idea to tell her I would mail her a present. I didn't know what I would mail her, but then the idea occurred to me I could make her a doll with a ceramic head of herself.

I didn't realize how much work it would have been, and if I had I probably wouldn't have made it. I am happy I didn't know how much work it would take, because I am happy I made it. I am very pleased with the results, and want to make a bunch of dolls using my friends faces as models. Now that I have done one, making more will be much easier.

While I am very pleased with the results, the face did not turn out quite like I had hoped. The face doesn't look too much like Isobel. This was the first time I had ever sculpted a face. I thought whatever ability I had in drawing a face would translate into sculpting ability, but it did not at all. It was like learning how to draw a face for the first time all over again. Plus, I only had one photo to work with. It would have been much easier if I had photos of her face from multiple angles, which I ended up asking for, but by then it was too late to make any significant changes.

Also, the glaze turned out different than I had hoped. I put a thin layer of skin color over the entire face, allowing it to pool in some places to cause interesting changes in color, but the pigment entirely burnt out in the areas where it was not pooled.

also, I had to break the back of the head with a hammer cause it did not maintain its original shape and caused the face to constantly be facing upwards. I realized it was risky taking a hammer to the doll, and was happy I only broke the area I intended. To cover up the broken area I glued doll hair onto the missing area.

also, after my brother saw a picture of the doll, I learned I had spelled her name wrong. There is no 'E' at the end. Fortunately the letters were just ironed on patches and the 'E' was easily peeled off. Photos:





When my other niece, Chloe,6, saw the doll she said 'cool, I don't think Isobel is going to like it.' I asked her why not and she said 'cause the face looks like your face'

When my nephew, Mitchel, also 6, saw the doll he said it looked like the face was covered in blood.

When Greg saw it he said it looked scary. I asked him why and he said because of the hair. I asked him why the hair is scary and he said it is because it looks like dead person hair.

This is the email Ricky, her father, sent me, my mom and sister:
The moment you have all been waiting for has arrived. Isobel's reaction to her doll. I still haven't seen it, I'm excited to go home and talk to her about it, this is what carie said:

isobel just got her doll from Chris. She was pretty excited about it having her name on it but once I took the bubble wrap off the head she kind of stayed quiet for a minute. She said she is scared by it but that she likes it. She also said, "It's face is funny. it's glass, can you put it up now?" meaning she wants it on a shelf to be displayed. She really liked the couch and bed furniture that he also sent. She keeps saying you will be so surprised when you get home and see it.

Then he sent this in reply to my reply to his email:

i think isobel likes her doll more than the email may have let on, she thinks it's very special. i think it will be one of those keepsake things that she probably won't play with really but will always want to have and will grow more attached to it the older she gets. or more scared of until she is so terrified of it she smashes it against the wall to end her nightmares. -totally yankin yer chain dude!!!!!

'I will sleep through every single dawn and those I see I will not comprehend'

My class only meets together two times a week. Monday and Tuesday mornings. The rest of the week is open studio time. Later I will write more about my class and how much I love both the class and teacher.

This entry is specifically about the early meeting time of those two days we do meet.

Because we meet so early Monday and Tuesday, on these days I need to wake up around 7:30 A.m. if I want to be in my seat on time. Sometimes in the morning the marsh land I live in is foggy. I think it is beautiful when this happens. These photos were taken from inside my bedroom.






Having to wake up that early the first two days of the week shifts my normal sleep cycle a few hours early than normal for every other day of the week. I am happy about this.

During the summer I generally woke up around 9 or 10 a.m. each day. I would have preferred to have woken up earlier, but having nothing external motivating me to wake up early and condition my body to the habit, my desire to experience mornings was overshadowed by my desire to avoid the pain that is waking up earlier than one is used to.

I want to explain how special the morning is to me. I think I will just repeat a passage by Thoreau that does well in capturing my feelings(I still laugh when I think about L. Tom Perry, my agnostic friend Tom Perry's grandpa, giving a General Conference talk based on Thoreau's Walden. And I can't believe he used that as a basis in blaming the financial crisis on individual excess of the average citizen rather than unethical banking/lending and lack of regulation) The quote (from chapter 2 of Walden):

The morning, which is the most memorable season of the day, is the awakening hour. Then there is least somnolence in us; and for an hour, at least, some part of us awakes which slumbers all the rest of the day and night. Little is to be expected of that day, if it can be called a day, to which we are not awakened by our Genius, but by the mechanical nudgings of some servitor, are not awakened by our own newly acquired force and aspirations from within, accompanied by the undulations of celestial music, instead of factory bells, and a fragrance filling the air--to a higher life than we fell asleep from; and thus the darkness bear its fruit, and prove itself to be good, no less than the light. That man who does not believe that each day contains an earlier, more sacred, and auroral hour than he has yet profaned, has despaired of life, and is pursuing a descending and darkening way. After a partial cessation of his sensuous life, the soul of man, or its organs rather, are reinvigorated each day, and his Genius tries again what noble life it can make. All memorable events, I should say, transpire in morning time and in a morning atmosphere. The Vedas say, "All intelligences awake with the morning." Poetry and art, and the fairest and most memorable of the actions of men, date from such an hour.-----We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn, which does not forsake us in our soundest sleep.'

Like most Thoreau, the quote is good and inspiring, but also reflects Thoreau's unpleasant side of arrogance and his sense of superiority to others. 'the man who does not believe that each day...... has despaired of life...is pursuing a darkening way' Come one h.d. take a chill pill.

In the mornings, when it is not raining, I like to walk around our property, picking and eating wild blackberries. I sit on the back porch and pet Mr. Mouser, the stray cat we feed that has finally over come his fear of me and even sits in my lap, though still freaks out if I try and pick him up.









This is me drinking from my favorite cup(when Greg, Laura Barlow and I went to Portland a few years ago, Greg bought it at a wonderful Pottery Studio, knowing how much I admired the cup he later, generously gave it to me.)(This picture was taken last year, when I lived alone in a cabin in the woods on the shore of the Puget Sound, but it is the cup I generally use each morning for tea or coffee):









I drink coffee and read on the couch. This particular couch.





In recent mornings I have been reading the Koran, comparing the two different translations I have. I have recently acquired an excellent translation of the Bible, which has in several ways altered my perspective on Jesus teachings(more on this later.)

I like to read inspiring writings during morning hours. Books such as the Koran or Bible(which I did not used to find inspiring at all, but I do this Oxford translated Bible). Other mornings I read Baha'i or Buddhist writings. Sometimes the Bhagavad-gita. I have an excellent book titled 'Jesus and Buddha: The Parallel Sayings', which is a collection of their overlapping teachings and actions (which is the great majority of them. Jesus: not unique or original. But still good and valuable.), This book I always find insightful.

I find reading something inspirational or uplifting things each morning helps set a tone of calm peace for my day. Something I wrote about in more depth here.

Some mornings I may meditate(my favorite type of meditation so far is Mindfulness) or Falun Gong(Which is the same thing as Falun Dafa. I do not understand entirely the double name. I strongly recommend mindfulness and Falun Gong to all people, be ye black or white. J/k, only white people.). Although I am generally more inclined towards those activities in the late afternoon or evenings when the opportunity to slow down and be calm has greater impact, rather than the morning when I am already in a calm and slow state of mind.

I live in a wonderful place to be able exploit the resource that is called morning. This comfortable house, on this beautiful property, with warm, intelligent and funny roommates, two cats, an apple tree, a greenhouse, blackberry bushes, fresh coffee each morning made by my roommate.






Each morning I wake up happy and excited to be living in Olympia, to be attending the school that is my number one choice, in a class that is as good as I could hope for, to know and be connected with a wise, funny and peaceful girl named Marissa. I miss Marissa, (hi Marissa) because she is on the other side of the world for two more months, but we are able to talk free, online, via Skype, for as long as we want, which can frequently be longer than 8 hours at a time. Before I don't know if I had ever had longer than a 3 hour telephone conversation with anyone, now longer conversations are a regular part of my life. There are moments, often as I lay in bed waiting to be overcome by sleep, where I miss her so much it is difficult, but aside from the missing, every day is exciting to wake up to.








This morning I noticed a new spider web had been made the night before on our back porch. I found it pretty and hope the spider who made it is able to thrive and not have his or her web destroyed.




I also like doing the dishes in the mornings. I enjoy washing dishes by hand more than using a dishwashing machine. I enjoy the slow, meditative process. I also like being able to do a small gesture that I know adds something nice to the lives of my roommates.

This is the table where I am sitting and writing:





This is a close up on the tile you see on the wall in the photo above. I made it this summer. The text is adapted form a list of virtues in the Bhagavad Gita








Here is a picture of me, wearing what I have been wearing for the past several days, my thobe, with a flannel on top, which is pretty much like I am wearing a skirt. But the thobe is amazingly warm. Keeps me warm in this chilly pacific northwest fall weather. It makes me a heart thobe. that is Marissa's joke. Marissa loves word play jokes.