time travel

it seems that whenever someone travels through time in a television show or movie, the moral of their time travels is that the future is not fixed, we make of our lives whatever we want.
on a somewhat related topic, one joke that is popular in movies and t.v. shows these days is to have a character say something like 'i will never in my life step foot on that boat' then the camera cuts to that person stepping onto the boat.
one joke i do like from t.v. is in that documentaries when those dolphins jump through the simpsons chests.

a fun game.

i think this game is so fun.

genius

there is so much genius in the world. all around us. in all a varieties. so often i have wanted to be apart of it. as if that would somehow make me happier. but i think i will need to accept my fate of only being a fan. and i guess this is fine. accepting mediocrity seems like it can be important for one's mental health. because even if i were a genius, how much good would that do me other than feed some sort of need for value by having something superior to others.
so i can just sit back and admire the accomplishments of others.

electrolytes

of all the drugs i have tried, my favorite is Electrolytes. if life deals you gators just make gatorade, then you have your electrolytes.

.

sacrament

imagine if one time in a sacrament meeting, when the person was giving the opening prayer instead of beginning it traditionally by saying 'heavenly father....' they begin, 'Dear Elohim, lord of Kolob...' and imagine if it was a well respected member of the congregation like the bishop or even stake president.
this is probably taking the joke to far, but maybe he could even close it 'in the name of the third nephite, amen'

ike

i spent the night at isaac's Saturday night. i always have fun when i do that. i enjoy spending time with isaac. someone who is so very intelligent. we have good talks about things that i rarely have the opportunity to discuss in such depth. we played chess and ate taquitos and chips.
even though he only lives in salt lake when i stay over there i feel as if i am on vacation from my normal life. as i can leave my provo troubles behind me.
that can be one of the draws of moving. when i am in other cities i feel so nice there, away from my life in provo. but were i to move there i can imagine the discontents i have with provo could follow me. who knows. i am still planning on moving soon. there isn't really anything keeping me here.

i want the shades drawn. and an overgrown lawn.

there is a song that sings 'want do i want with my life now that you're gone? i want your ghost gone'.
what an appropriate line. it is amazing and ridiculous to me that a short interaction with someone can continue to have such a deep impact in my life. that this person's ghost is still able to loom so large.
to make it all the more pathetic i imagine the spot i occupy in this person's mind is next to nothing. something hardly remembered, and in those occasions when i am remembered it is probably with an sigh of regret. something along the lines of 'what was i thinking?'
of course over time the longing and pain has eased considerably. i used to dream of her every single night, now, only on occasion, this gives me hope. imagine how i will be when twice the amount of time that has now passed passes? especially if i am able to find someone else to replace what is longed for.
i have found myself asking people how long it takes them to recover from brokenheartedness. a common response has been about a year. although one has said she has never stopped feeling brokenhearted, even after four years.
amazing that relationships can be so non-reciprocal. that one person can feel one way so strongly, while the other feels nothing.
i felt i had discovered a cave, so rich with treasure whose depth and brilliance was exciting to mine and explore. stimulating my passions and causing me to feel i had entered into a new world whose beauty i had not before realized.
i think one challenge for me has been that our interaction was so brief. brief yet very intense.
because of this, i am left in that fictional world of first knowing someone, when your mind romances and fills in what is not known. had our interaction been longer, who knows what could have happened, perhaps we would have gradually seen one anothers flaws and grown apart naturally, rather than bizarre and unfortunate circumstances shoving us apart suddenly. leaving me longing for what could have been. a longing based on what may only be my imagination.
so this is what future girls have to compete with. my imagination of what someone may be. this is unfair to anyone because perhaps my imagination has no basis in reality. who could someone compete with that? compete with my hoping of what a person is.

it is like some sort of arrow that a ninja or medieval person may have used, that once the arrow enters the victims chest, the arrowhead expands, sticking barbs into the surrounding organs and muscles so it cannot be removed without breaking bones and tearing muscles and organs. because of this i was scared to take it out, despite the pain, and so i left it in. it grew infected.
but the wound is healing, and i am still waiting for this ghost to be gone.

tonight

tonight i found out rice king has a vegetarian menu full of tons of fake meat dishes. i am so excited about this. i think i will begin eating there more often. the waiter is so funny. he is so casual. when asking our order he sat down at the table across from us.

idiocracy

it is funny to me how much i like the movie idiocracy. when i first watched it i laughed a lot and enjoyed it but did not necessarily think the movie was exceptional. but afterwards i found myself frequently thinking about it. i would remember funny parts and want to see them again. so i would watch the movie again. when i would rewatch it i wouldn't get bored, if anything i enjoyed it more, noticing things i hadn't before.
i have now watched the movie, i think seven times in the last month. and i would not be opposed to watching it again with someone who was interested in seeing it.

j.blaze

there have only been a handful of movies i have seen in the theater that have caused me to want to walk out.
one was fifty first dates. the jokes were so awful.
another i saw last thursday. it was called 'Ghostrider'. before seeing it the only knowledge i had of it was i had seen a poster of a picture of a skeleton who was on fire riding a motorcycle and thought it seemed like something i would not be interested in. i had never heard of the comic book it was based on or seen any previews for it.
i saw it with caleb because it was his birthday and he wanted to see it.
i felt that every time the movie had an opportunity to be bad, for example being very cliche or otherwise unpleasant, it took that opportunity.
because of this i found myself totally disinterested in the character, johnny blaze, or what would happen to him.
another movie i feel took every possible opportunity to be bad, even more so than ghostrider, is 'left behind'.

study group

i am so so pleased with my participation in the baha'i faith.
i enjoy so much the baha'i study group i attend. each time the discussions have been rich and enlightening. i come away feeling uplifted and inspired for positive change.
one thing i love about the baha'is in contrast with other faiths i have participated in is the topics and principals that are emphasized. i feel they are very applicable to my life, and presented in clear ways, allowing me to benefit more than i feel i have from any other faith.
i feel the things taught by Baha'ullah, more than anything else i have yet experienced, provide good, clear direction for how individuals and groups should live.

in Mormonism a great deal of emphasis is placed on things like faith, atonement, being a disciple, sexual purity, fulfilling callings, being worthy, loving god etc. while i can see the value of these things, for the most part they are principals i long ago stopped believing.

other churches seem to place enormous amounts of importance on praising god, loving god etc. something that may indirectly improve a persons way of living, but is not something i see as incredibly important.

however with the baha'is, their main emphasis is on things like tolerance, equality(racial, religious, gender), honesty, independent investigation of truth, self examination, the oneness of humanity, etc. while these are things that may be touched upon by other faiths, it is not their main emphasis.
i feel the baha'i teachings, and ways of teaching more easily create the kind of people and communities our world needs.
they have several similar doctrines as mormonism, such as eternal marriage, eternal progression, heaven and hell as metaphor.

one of the only things about mormonism i prefer to the baha'is is their theology on god and the human being.
in mormonism individuals are intelligences, uncreated, that have always existed, in that sense equal to god. god is unique because he is further advanced and acts a spiritual father to guide us into becoming similar to him. he himself having been required to progress as we are now.

while i am not sure if necessarily believe this, i enjoy it. because a great confusion of mine is why would people exist. why would god want to create beings, just to test them in something they may or may not be successful.
islam says that god created people so they can know god. but i think, why would he bother? this all powerful perfect being, why would he go to the trouble to create people to know and worship him? you think he would be more self actualized than to need that.
but in mormonism it is that these beings already existed, and so this god character is doing what he can to help them along, having greater experience and so is able to serve as an appropriate guide.
this is kind of a godless theology. there is no one all powerful being ruling over everything, but rather uncreated always existing beings, finding themselves existing, so working together towards what they see as the best possible reality.

i would be so happy if my friends and family would embrace the baha'i faith. i think it is something that could be of great benefit for them. however i see this as unlikely. but i am fine with that.
i would love to find a baha'i girl to marry. and i look forward to raising my children as a part of the baha'i community.

hiro's hero.

it seems that whenever someone does something heroic and are then praised as a hero the hero won't acknowledge that what they did was heroic. they say things like 'i just did what anyone in that situation would have done'.
i was thinking if i ever did something heroic and was interviewed by some media i would like to say something like 'i don't think hero is a strong enough word for what i did.'