Romancing the past

I think most people tend to have a romantic view of the past, I know I do. I like to imagine having to go to the market each day. I like thinking about no one having cars so everything would be closer together, there would be more quite and more people walking around.
I think no category of people romanticizes the past more than conservatives. That is almost the definition of being conservative. In wanting to conserve the past and follow traditions it is implied that the best is better than today.
I've written several times about how strongly I disagree with the notion that we are less moral or ethical today than we were in the past (slavery, racism and sexism alone make me feel this way), but I think another area where conservatives tend to romanticize the past is in terms of freedom. There seems to be a sense that we are less free than we have ever been. I myself once held this view. It seemed that in the past people were much more free to do as they pleased without government interference. However, the more I learn about history, even recent history, I've come to feel the opposite.
I've recently begun making a list of crazy things from the past that I encounter. So far the list is short, but here it is:

~In the United States, during the First World War a person could be imprisoned for expressing disapproval of the war.

~While not officially sanctioned by the Government, tacit approval was given by not interfering or punishing those responsible: During the WWI, some people were dragged by horses down streets for not supporting the war, or being an Anarchist or Socialist.

~ During the early 1900's those who refused vaccines had police break down their doors and physically restrain them while vaccines were administered.

~During the Second World War, the tax rate for the highest income bracket was 90%.

(Plus all the things most educated folks are familiar with, like eugenics and women not being allowed to initiate a divorce etc.)

As crazy as some of these things may be, they aren't even from the ancient past, but the past 100 yrs, here in the USA.
Despite how short my list is, I think it illustrates a lot about that time period. If only one of these things happened today it would create outrage across the country. The fact that these things happened and were apparently not a big deal indicates that these type of events weren't uncommon in that era.

It seems that a lot of people, especially Americans tend to view all of the past as being just like the 'Wild West', with few laws and people. But in reality, most everyone has lived in close proximity to others and been restricted by laws and punishments since human beings first evolved. Humans are incredibly dependent on each other for survival and certain anti-social behavior has always been detrimental to the group's survival, requiring means to limit individual freedoms for the common good.


P.s. If anyone has anything else to add to my list, I'd be happy to hear it.

Grad School P.S.

One other thing about grad school.
I've had to exchange a few emails with the school and even received a phone call today informing me of a reception being held for incoming students and every single exchange I've had with anyone from the school since receiving my acceptance letter begins with "Congratulations!", which is pretty funny to me. But it also feels really nice. Because I realize that as excited as I am about it and as supportive and excited for me that other people are, they have their own lives to live so their enthusiasm can only go so far. Even Marissa has grown a bit weary of my constant talk of new reasons I've thought of for why I'm excited to have been accepted at Saic. But the one group of people who keeps the enthusiasm alive is the school itself, with their constant congratulations they make me feel as if I've won an Oscar. So Saic, if you ever come across this somehow, I want you to know that your constant congrats are both humorous and well received.

Blogging and puppies.

I'm happy to be blogging again. It feels good to have this outlet.
I don't have anything in particular to say right now except that I think the primary reason I haven't written in here is because of having a puppy. People who know me mostly online may not realize that I'm fairly slow at many things. Not slow as in retarded, but I tend to take a long time doing tasks. It usually takes me at least an hour and sometimes two to do the dishes.
How this relates to my blogging and my puppy is that because of my slowness I tend to require a lot of sustained concentration to write. Owning a puppy makes it near impossible to have long periods of sustained concentration, except when she takes naps and during those times I usually have other things I need to take care of.
As she (Margaret the puppy) get's older she is far more independent and has lower energy levels, allowing me the quiet and calm needed for me to think and write.
This is one reason I chose to pursue a career in art making rather than writing. Although the first couple months having a puppy I made no art at all, once she got to the point where she didn't try to attack and eat anything she saw, I was able to start painting again. While her distractions can make it more difficult to paint, they don't make it impossible like with writing. Since I need fairly particular conditions that can't always be met to write, I feel that it might be bad news if my livelihood depended on writing.

Overall having a puppy has been nice. I walk her about 4 miles a day, which has been great for me in terms of getting exercise and having something physically difficult I have to do each day. I've been listening to podcasts and books on tape while we walk and I often meet other dog owners who tend to be friendly but are occasionally very mean (one particularly mean guy actually grabbed Margaret by her harness, lifted her about 5 feet into the air and threw her onto the ground! This was at a dog park, not while walking. Marget was scaring his dog by chasing it (which is how dogs play) but she never even touched his dog. I still feel mad when I think about him)

Welcome back blogger and Graduate School.

As you already know I haven't written in here for a while. I'm not going to apologize about it. It always seems kind of funny when people don't write in their blogs for a while and make a big apology, as if everyone is so eager to read their words or that regularly writing in one's blog is something we are ethically obliged to do, making an apology is necessary.

I've had countless(not literally. I'm sure it could easily be counted. Probably under 100) ideas I've wanted to write about and have them written on various scraps of paper or notebooks, but for whatever reason I haven't had the motivation to write.
Also, since I hadn't written in a while, a part of me felt I should come back with something big, instead of just saying something like 'wouldn't it be funny if Steven Spielberg or James Cameron directed a re-make of Napoleon Dynamite next year?'

I do have big news, though I'm sure most people who read this blog are familiar with it. As you likely know, I've been in the process of applying to Grad Schools since late last year.
It has been a nerve racking experience. For reasons I later regretted, I only applied at top 10 schools. After i sent out my applications I became very nervous I wouldn't get accepted anywhere. I wasn't sure what I would do if that happened. I likely would have seriously considered giving up art as a career, taking the Gre and applying to grad schools for philosophy or writing and eventually getting my Phd after the 25 years or so it would probably take me.
It would be at least another year before I could even apply and in that mean time I don't know what I would do.

While it is common for our lives to hinge on one moment or event, it is rare that we can see this ahead of time. Usually it is in retrospect that we see our lives would be significantly different if only one thing were changed. But in this situation, I could see ahead of me the possibility that my life was going to go one way or the other. And one of the ways seemed very discouraging and boring.

It was while in the depths of my anxiety over not getting accepted anywhere that I received a letter informing me I had been selected for an interview at The School of the Art Institute of Chicago (Saic) through the painting program. I was VERY excited about this. Out of 500 applicants only 80 are interviewed. A few days later I bought a plane ticket to Chicago and later that very day I was surprised to received a second from Saic informing me I had been accepted into the Ceramics program. I had previously been interested in the school, but very disinterested about the idea of living in Chicago, but I went to my interview, it went great and I loved the school and liked Chicago. (That was in february. A few days ago I officially accepted my acceptance) Ceramics is fairly technical and I don't know a lot about glazes and kilns etc, but I would love to master it. Plus, I would really like to teach ceramics at a University, while the idea of teaching painting or drawing doesn't appeal to me as much.(not from any philosophical disagreement, I just enjoy the technical process of ceramics much more than that of painting or drawing) Plus, ceramics has changed a lot over the past decade in ways I love. It has become very experimental in terms of media used and not limited to clay and glazes, which is similar to how I currently work.

I am very very excited about this. If you aren't familiar with the School of The Art Institute of Chicago, it is ranked #3 by UsNews and World Report for Fine Art Mfa programs and was voted the most influential art school in the country by a survey of art critics. (since much of the value in art is how others perceive it, it seems the Usnews, which are based on peer rankings, carry more weight for art schools than other types)

Since art is so subjective I'm constantly unsure about the quality of my work. I know that I like it and I know I tend to get positive feedback, but I'm sure there are many terrible artists who have supportive friends that feel the same.

It feels nice to finally not be an underachiever in the school/work aspect of life. It isn't as if this was something that had bothered me before and I don't know if I'm any happier because of it and I was surprised myself how nice it felt, but it does feel good. It feels good to realize that the rest of my life (in that regard) will be a bit easier than it might have otherwise. I'm sure it will still be difficult, there are so many artists out there it can be hard to make a name for oneself, but having this sort of stamp of approval will hopefully open doors for me and make finding jobs and getting shows a less of an uphill battle.

Also, since I make art that isn't too realistic or appears to not be difficult, despite my spending enormous amounts of time on it, I feel that some people who aren't as familiar with art may have seen me as somewhat deluded in thinking I could be a professional artist and that having been accepted into such a good school helps them see that even if they don't appreciate my work, I'm not just making crap that everyone but me thinks is crap.

I'm still very conflicted about art making and my notebooks are filled with lists of the pros and cons of being an artist and my con list is always much longer, but I'm now feel fully committed to seeking a career as an artist and art professor and am very excited. I've been more interested in the lives of artists than I have ever been before.

King of the Christophers.

One unexpected result of having a website is learning that people google my name a few times each week.
Since my website's stat counter shows what people searched for if they came into my site from a search engine, I'm able to see that more than I would have imagined people google my name.

Although I've kept some sort of blog for over the past 10 years and nearly all of those had a stat counter on them, I very rarely received hits from people having searched my name. Probably because my blogs didn't have my name in the Url or mention my name within posts. But now that I have a website with my name as the URL, it is the first result when searching my name.

Of course, most of these searches for my name are probably not for ME. As I have learned from Google, but particularly facebook,there are many Christopher Allman's in the world. One has written a book, one make Christian music, and there are a few lawyers and businessmen. I'm sure that most of them, like everyone else, has friends, admirers, co-workers, bosses and potential bosses and their own selves etc. who occasionally do a Google for their name and would probably click on the the site named after the person they are searching for.
Out of all the hits to my site that come from searches for my name, I would guess that a small minority of them are people actually searching for me. This took me a little while to realize though. Initially I was amazed and excited that people from all over the country and England were regularly searching my name. I was kind of disappointed once it dawned on me that that probably wasn't the case. I would be fascinated to find out which ones really are searching for me and who they are and what their motives were. Occasionally an additional word or phrase is added to the search like 'Seattle' or 'Paintings' that make me think it likely was referring to me. Those really pique my interest and I will search my facebook for everyone I know in the city where the search originated. Rarely will I have even a guess who made the search. I wonder if many other people with self titled blogs and websites do similar things. My guess would be that this type of curiosity is fairly common. If the popularity of those fake 'find out who searched your name' facebook applications are any indication, it seems like many of us are interested in learning what people have the, usually, very mild interest required to seek out and look at our internet presence. But that is just speculation. I wouldn't be surprised if it were not so.

I would imagine that as time goes on most of these Christopher Allman's will again Google their names and come across my website, assuming another Christopher Allman doesn't achieve even a small level of fame and push my site from the top results. Even then, several might try entering my URL just to see if there is a site using their name.

I like to think of myself as a legend among other people named Christopher Allman. If we were all to get together somehow, I would be the one many would recognize as being the first search result for our common name. And since I am a legend among them, they would be raising me into the air on their shoulders and trying to touch the hem of my clothes to be healed, which of course I would let them do and would totally cure all their ailments.

Beanie

Today I saw a typically disheveled looking homeless (probably) man spend at least 2 minutes adjusting his beanie in the mirror of a public bathroom. (It lasted longer than I witnessed, because he was adjusting when I came in and when I left {after having blasted a piss])

Inception

I finally saw inception. The top rated sci-fi movie on Imdb. It was an enjoyable movie to watch, but I found myself not able to get past the notion of a 'dream within a dream'. I try not to let things like that bother me, especially in science fiction movies (because if I did, it would be hard to enjoy almost any Sci-Fi film), but the idea of a dream within a dream seemed so dumb.
Close your eyes (don't really, keep reading!) and imagine yourself sitting in a chair. Then imagine that your imagination self is imagining a train and on that train in your imagined self's imagination there is you, sitting in one of the seats, imaging a buffalo.
Imagining yourself imagining is the same thing as a dream within a dream. It isn't an actual THING distinct from a regular dream. It isn't as if there is an actual dream happening in your dream. A dream within a dream is just a dream about yourself dreaming. Or a dream about a dream. A dream within a dream is the same thing as a dream. (i'm a little tipsy right now. had a few 'key lime' cocktails (which are delicious) at the Chupacabra')

Terms I have seen in comment sections of news sites by conservatives to refer to Obama: Obummer, Obumma, Nobama, Omama, Obamination. The two I have seen most often are 'Obummer' and 'Nobama'
I don't recall any other politician having this many nicknames.

Labels.

I'm not sure if this is a (relatively) recent trend or not, but I feel as if I notice it more than I used to, and that is people who reject the use of labels, particularly in reference to people and even more particularly in reference to themselves. I notice this label rejection most often by people who fancy themselves as 'Freethinkers' or 'Nonconformists', but it seems to have spread amongst the broader population as well. (but then again, seeing oneself as a 'freethinker' and 'non-comformist' seems to have become pretty popular in it's own right. Even car commercials are trying to appeal to a person's sense of non-conformity. Car commercials! It is hard for me to see how buying a mass produced automobile could be an act of rebellion).

I suppose I can understand, somewhat, why a person might feel resistance to the use of labels. After all, labels are reductionistic. Describing someone as a 'surfer' or 'new yorker' doesn't capture the complexity of the individual. It may lead to incorrect assumptions about that person, that because they may fit within a certain category, people might incorrectly conclude they share other common attributes with people in that category.

However, this is a problem with almost all words! All nouns are essentially labels. To say anything about anything we must use labels. And yes, it will be reductionistic and yes it will lead to assumptions some of which are incorrect, but that is the nature of language, it is imperfect.

To deny the use of labels in describing people seems like an unnecessary obstacle, that, if anything, is more inconvenient than helpful.
Of course some descriptive words will conjure biases in people, but most people are able to realize that while a person may be a _____ they also have other attributes as well or that not everyone who is ____ is also _____. (but maybe a lot of them are) And while labels might lead to incorrect assumptions, they can also communicate a lot of information succinctly.
Plus, when people respond to a question by saying they don't like labels, they almost always go one to describe themselves using some other sort of label, albeit one slightly longer and perhaps something they made up. For example you might ask someone 'are you a skater?' to which they would reply 'I don't label myself. I like to think of myself as a person who has fun riding on a skate board'. This is still a label, it just uses more words.

These label rejecters seem to have an unnecessarily large concern with how others perceive them, going so far as to choose the words with which they can be described and thought about. I guess my general feeling about the subject is, lighten up, labels have their drawbacks but are useful as well.

Head

If mild blows to the head were as fatal as depicted in Tv and movies, I think most people would die before they turned 20.

Existence of God

In my opinion, the strongest argument for the existence of God is similar to the common argument for the existence of extra-terrestrial life, ie. even if the probabibility of life emerging at any given time on any given planet is infinitesimal, because there are billions of galaxies with billions of planets that have existed for billions years, the odds of life developing many times over are high.
(I don't think this argument is entirely solid, but it serves it's purpose)
By the same sort of thinking, if life is probably appearing in various places throughout the cosmos, it is likely some beings have evolved, either organically or through their own bio-engineering to have a strong enough understanding and control over the properties of the Universe to be what we might consider a 'God'.
Of course this wouldn't be like the standard conception of God that many religions hold: a being which has existed forever and created the universe. (although if the multi-verse theory is true, perhaps this being, or group of beings come to be in another universe and created our particular one). However, it would would be a God familiar to Latter Day Saints, ie. a being (or group of beings) that through time and work progressed to 'deification', and for whatever reason has taken an interest in our well being, either as creator, or merely observer.
Perhaps these beings would have an interest in helping other creatures become like they are. They may have learned to extend life and capture 'souls' and when we die would take us to a wonderful place where we continue to grow.
Or if we are something like a simulation running on their computers, so that as far as we are concerned, they created us and our Universe, when our virtual selves die we could go to a virtual heaven and exist for as long as they kept their programs running.

Even if such beings did exist, there is no saying what their nature would be like. They might be empathetic and loving, malicious and brutal, or indifferent.
Of course, perhaps the ways our universe can be manipulated are far more limited and no being, even in theory could ever achieve enough power to be anything close to what we would consider a God.

Seasonal brain fog.

I've noticed that I seem to have a yearly cycle in terms of mental states. My mind seems to go through regular phases that correlate with the seasons. Each fall I find my mind getting foggy. I find it more difficult to think and speak clearly. It is not that it is a symptom of seasonal depression, because I really enjoy the fall and find that I am generally happier during this time. But a haze seems to cover my mind. Perhaps it is the lack of sunlight. Perhaps it is just part of a natural rhythm my body follows and it happens to occur as the days get shorter. Perhaps something else entirely.
I've begun numerous blog entries that I quite after only a few lines because I have trouble clearly thinking about and articulating what I have in mind.

I seem to experience this every year around the same time and it usually lasts a couple months.

I make a great deal of effort to communicate clearly. Clear communication is something I value a great deal. When the fog descends on my brain I can sometimes struggle with expressing even simple ideas. Because clear thinking and communication something important to me, it can be frustrating when it becomes a struggle. Even now as I am writing this I am struggling to find the correct words to explain myself and feel i am falling short. Hopefully my seasonal brain fog doesn't last too long this year or I can figure a way out of it.